Two Wolves
by merick
Summary: AU story; what if Clayton had been banished for his disobedience after he had bit Elena? What if she had been left with the other Pack members to come into her new nature, what if she couldn't forgive the man who had changed her? Who might she turn to, and what might happen when the man who hurt her returned? All about the HEA.
1. Chapter 1

I was pouring over a new book laid open on Jeremy's desk. He had encouraged me to learn about the history of the Wolves and I found it somewhat comforting to educate myself about this new life I had been dragged into. Besides being a distraction, I hoped it might give me some sense of family, or at least of history since I had little of my own to fall back on, on either count. It hadn't always been that way; that calm, the first few weeks after my change had been a horrible blur of anger and sadness with swings between rage and a desire to end it all. I brooded in my room, the room Jeremy had given me, not even noticing the care he had taken in decorating it to seem light and peaceful; no, I stared out the window into the dark woods, wondering what I had done in my life to deserve yet another assault against my person, wondering if a psyche I had rebuilt from childhood could be re-formed once again, or if it was even worth it to try? I remember the others bringing me meals, but offering very little else; not certain what to say to me I'm sure. I was as much a mystery to them as they were to me. And with Clayton gone, banished for his disobedience and transgressions against a code I had yet to learn, Jeremy was the only one who dared to speak to me.

He brought me some books, and offered to answer any questions I had, but it took me nearly two months to even emerge from that room and to start to understand the needs I now had. That first run, Jeremy came with me, staying just out of my line of sight, but not beyond my hearing and my sense of smell. He offered protection but not interference, and that said something to me. After that run I trusted him to start training me, and slowly the others, now my brothers, joined in. I let my anger go and accepted what I now was; even embracing the new power the wolf gave me; promising myself that I would never be a victim again now that I had been given these abilities. Once I had accepted that I had become interested in the history, and Jeremy had pulled out tomes for me to read, and had given me the use of his office. And that was where I was, leaned over the near side of the desk, my back to the door; not that it prevented me from hearing the door open, or from knowing exactly who it was.

Werewolves don't wear cologne, but each has a unique scent, something I have learned that I am quite adept at sorting out. Jeremy smelled like rich pipe tobacco, not that he smoked, and the woodsy smell of damp earth. For me it provoked a sense of comfort whenever he was near. I couldn't help but smile at his approach.

"Am I interrupting?" He asked in his low, even voice.

"Not at all." I turned around to meet his eyes; crinkled at the edges from sun and stress, though still bright and soft looking whenever he was content. He even had the hint of a smile drawing up the corners of his mouth. And, he was hiding something behind his back.

"What are you up to Jeremy?" I loved the familiarity we had carved out between us over the last ten months, and it was hard not to smile when he did, because life had to be good if Jeremy smiled.

"I brought you something." He brought his right arm around to his front, where he held a cupcake in his hand. "I made it myself."

Not to say that Jeremy couldn't cook, he did quite a bit of the cooking around the house, especially breakfasts, which were the only meal we could always be guaranteed to have together. He made mounds of pancakes and bacon and sausages. The higher metabolism of a wolf made calorie counting a thing of the past, I didn't mind that aspect of the lupine nature so much. But Jeremy didn't bake, ever, not that I'd ever seen at least. I think that Antonio did sometimes, but cakes and treats were not commonplace around Stonehaven, unless someone had gone into town on an errand and been by the bakery. This made the cupcake quite unique.

"What's the occasion?" I asked.

"Well, it's been a year now since you joined us Elena."

"Sort of like an anniversary?"

"Or a birthday if you prefer."

"Oh God, no one is throwing a party for me are they?" The thought of such a thing, having to be the center of attention, and having to be gracious about it made me feel a little sick to my stomach.

"No, of course not. Antonio wanted to but I told him no, that I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. But I still wanted to acknowledge it, I hope I haven't overstepped?" His smile threatened to fade.

"Not at all Jeremy, it was very thoughtful." I really did appreciate the gesture and I took the cupcake that he was still holding out in front of himself. "You made one cupcake?" I tried to lighten the mood.

"I made a dozen, Nick tested them first to ensure I wouldn't poison you."

"I will have to thank him." I took a finger-full of the icing and stuck it in my mouth. It was quite nice. I could see the grin on Jeremy's face as I did so. He really was such an amazing man; something I often pondered when I was staring out the window of my bedroom, watching him with the others in the yard, sparing, chopping wood for the fire, and just staring, like I did, wondering what was past the tree line, waiting for us out there.

"Thank you, for everything you've done for me over this last year Jeremy. I guess I lost track of how much time had passed. And you've been so understanding with me."

"Well I can appreciate how difficult things have been for you Elena. Are you feeling a little more comfortable here now, with us?"

"Yeah, I am. Everyone has been so kind, and it's been good to get back to some kind of studies," I patted the book carefully, I knew it old, "even if it is a history I can't speak to anyone else about." I tried to laugh a little at myself.

"You can talk to any of us."

That statement made me a little misty feeling inside. I tried to cover it by focusing on the cupcake and peeling back the paper to take a bite to hide a quivering lip. But there was no fooling Jeremy, he put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it.

"I know it's a very small world you're a part of now Elena, but it is a fierce one, and a loyal one, and a loving one."

I couldn't hold back the sniffle and he pulled me into his arms, which was quite the feat for Jeremy. Not that he didn't have emotions, or share them, but he generally wasn't a demonstrative man; except in his sorrow, and I hoped that this wasn't one of those times. I accepted the embrace and angrily wiped the tears away from my eyes. I never wanted to look weak in front of any of them, Jeremy least of all. Perhaps for that reason I kept things buttoned up just as tight as he did; at least until I was alone. I didn't want to get hurt again, not like before when I had thrown my heart away so carelessly; but damn if that spirit wasn't still inside me somewhere, along with the new nature that had been forced on me, wanting to feel that human closeness, wanting to trust.

"Why do you even care about me Jeremy? Why are you so nice to me when I've been so miserable? You've been so patient."

"Oh Elena." He patted at my back and I was so glad he couldn't see my face just then.

"You've been a teacher, a friend, a confidant."

"You're part of my Pack."

"There's only one thing you haven't been for me Jeremy."

He gently released me and gave me a moment to compose myself. It did take a moment because I wasn't exactly sure what I was going to say next. The dam inside me was starting to crack and I could patch it, or I could give it a good swift kick and knock it down completely. I chose the latter.

"What is it I haven't been for you Elena?" The genuine concern in his voice was nearly heartbreaking and I was so afraid of crushing him with my words, so I whispered.

"A lover."

The silence was painful and with every second that passed I regretted opening my mouth. We just stared at each other. To give Jeremy credit he didn't look nearly as miserable after my revelation as I probably did.

"Elena?" His voice had kept its rich, confident tone, confused as he must have been. I knew mine would likely come out as a squeak if I tried to qualify what I had just said. I did the only thing I could think of to do then; in for a penny I figured. I put my hands on either side of his face and kissed him as solidly as could. His scent filled my nostrils, and something else besides. Pulling back to draw breath I looked into his eyes and asked the question soundlessly. His answer was not so quiet.

"Are you certain this is what you want Elena?"

I nodded. That time he came to me.

I felt his hands light on my hips, curving around to the small of my back, holding me against his body. His mouth was hot on mine, parting my lips, delving within to deepen the kiss from the outset. It was easy to fold myself into him and wrap my arms around his back, holding him as tightly as he held me. The rush of overwhelming relief coupled with his nearness, his body, his scent, made me feel weak in the knees, and wholly confident; enough so that I let my hands wander, finding the edge of his shirt, tugging it away from his waist. He did not object. In fact he pulled off his vest, tossing it over the books on his desk and then broke the kiss so he could see to unbutton his shirt; giving me the opportunity to pull off my tank top.

It wasn't that we'd never seen each other undressed before. We didn't make a habit of it, and allowed each other as much modesty as could be afforded when one changed from a human to a wolf on a semi-regular basis to run the property: a turned back or downcast eyes generally served. But all of a sudden I felt a little self conscious, at least until Jeremy's fingers hooked themselves under the band of my sports bra and eased it over my head. I moaned as his mouth found my neck, kissing and tugging over my skin as his hands slid behind me, lifting me up onto the desk. I fumbled at his belt, unable to unhook it without being able to see it. His hands stilled my fingers and I watched as he slid it free himself deftly, and then moved the books that I had been looking at, leaving space to lay me back over the desk. He kissed me again, between my breasts then downwards to my stomach, slipping down my yoga pants as he went. His own were lost somewhere along the way, I felt his body, hard against mine. It was difficult not to purr at the feel of him. When he entered me though, I felt the roar vibrate within both our chests.

We were feral, desperate, hungry, lonely, and it all came out in the lovemaking. I'm not certain if I tore my own lip, or he did it for me, but we shared the taste of blood in our kisses, which only whipped up the frenzy. I didn't think then about what bruises might result, but there were a few. It was Jeremy who found his voice first when we reached our climax. I put my fingernails into the skin of his back and arched into him, not wanting to lose the feeling of his body pressed into mine. Understanding my needs he held me close and righted me to sitting on the edge of his desk, his legs still fit between mine. I nuzzled into his neck and let myself cry quietly as I listened to his heartbeat.

"Elena?" Jeremy was whispering my name. "Are you okay?"

I nodded.

"Good." His hands roamed over my back.

"We should get dressed, shouldn't we Jeremy?"

"No Elena." I could feel the grin on his face, even as I was still curled into him. "We're alone, let's just go upstairs, I'll clean up in the morning."

"Okay." I was still in the post coital bliss phase, and I was just happy to take his hand and walking through Stonehaven absolutely naked seemed a perfectly natural thing to do. He led me to his bedroom, but could have taken me anywhere just then and I would have followed.

I knew which room was Jeremy's, we all did, but I had never had occasion to be in there, so I didn't know what it would look like when he opened the door; though since he had decorated the rest of the house I had an idea what to expect. It was beautiful. The furniture could have all been fashioned from the trees on the estate, but perfectly cut, the grain standing out with polish and stain that made the pieces seem so elegant, yet so simple. His bed, like so many of the others in the house was four-postered, draped with diaphanous curtains that could be pulled back or looped about, whatever the occupants desired. I walked with him to the side of it, watched as he lit a single lamp and turned back to me, taking both my hands in his.

"I didn't even ask if you wanted to spend the night here Elena, I'm sorry, I shouldn't assume."

"There is nowhere that I would rather be Jeremy."

"Good." He said, his mouth curling up in that same grin, exposing his teeth, not in a feral way, but a genuine happiness that only inspired the same in me. I let him pull me into another kiss, our bodies pressed together in the half-light. It was simple enough to pull him down to the bed atop me.

"Did I hurt you before?" He asked, between kisses, his hands exploring over my breasts as his did so.

"No." I lied to him. The truth was that I did feel an ache; it had been a long time since I'd been with a man, and Jeremy had been quite passionate. But I wasn't about to admit it.

"I'll be more gentle this time, I promise." Of course he knew I was lying, but he wanted to be together as much as I did, and he was true to his word. He was so careful with me. I had never been loved, or felt so loved as that night with Jeremy.

His mouth was attentive, his fingers tender as he brushed them over me. He held me, supported me as he curled his arms around my back and slipped himself inside me again. For a brief moment it hurt, but then even that was lost in his kisses and the way he rocked against me so slowly. There, with the door shut and the rest of the world in the shadows I moaned and cried out for him.

Afterwards he held me, my back pressed to his front, his arms curled over my chest, him pressing gentle kisses into my hair. He'd pulled the quilt over top of us both and dimmed the lights.

"Jeremy?"

"Yes Elena?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"When I asked you, back in your office, about, this" I tried desperately to find words that were appropriate for what I wanted to ask. "You didn't, object?"

I felt the rumble of his laughter against my body and his grip around me tighten.

"Elena, I have been in love with you for a very long time."

"What?" I rolled around in his arms, facing him with shock obvious in my eyes. "When?"

He brushed the errant strands of my hair away from my face, smiling at me, his eyes gleaming.

"I think I knew it about a week after you asked me to start training you. Before that I was afraid that you might never come to accept what happened to you, that you might disappear, or stay angry. But when you started to train, when you showed a passion for it, Elena, I let my guards down too, I let my heart open, for you."

"But you never said anything, for all those months?"

"How could I Elena? I'm your Alpha. If I was to tell you that I loved you and desired you how could I know that you if you came to me that it would be by your choice, and not out of some sense of obligation to me? No, I couldn't tell you. I just had to hope that you might come to me."

"But what if I hadn't?"

"All I want for you is to be happy Elena. I would have watched you choose someone else then. Just the same as if you wake up in the morning and decide that you've made a terrible mistake, nothing needs to change between us. I will still be your friend and your teacher, and your confidant if you will have me."

"Oh Jeremy." I felt the tears begin to prickle behind my eyes. "This isn't a mistake. I know it isn't a mistake. I love you."

He smiled at me, almost indulgently, not that I minded. I wanted to be blissful just then, I wanted our whole world to be that room and that bed, and his arms. He continued to run his fingers through my hair.

"Maybe you should tell Antonio that having dinner would be okay." I conceded, caught up in the feeling of belonging finally.

His grin got larger.

"That will make him very happy, thank you Elena."

"But just dinner okay?"

"I promise."

Jeremy kissed me again and I forced what little anxiety I still had to calm down so that I could sleep.

Antonio had come in late, a bag of groceries in each arm. He'd gone out to the city, the stores of Bear Valley, while adequate, did not carry what he was looking for; a slightly more exotic selection of fresh vegetables. Because even if Jeremy had warned him off holding a proper celebration for Elena's anniversary, it didn't mean he had to listen to him. He figured he'd stop by Jeremy's study, it was normally where you could find the man in the evenings, often late into the night. Jeremy had promised he would ask Elena how she felt about celebrating and Antonio was curious how that conversation had gone. He left the groceries in the kitchen, intending to return to put them away after seeing Jeremy and perhaps sharing a glass of good scotch. The door was slightly ajar but Antonio couldn't hear anything inside so he pushed the door open. The room was empty, but he couldn't miss Jeremy's discarded vest and what looked suspiciously like one of Elena's tank tops tossed over it. He smiled.

"Finally." He whispered to himself, and returned to the kitchen to pour a solo drink and toast the friends he hoped were out for a good run, or up for a good run. Antonio hadn't felt so happy in a long while.

When I woke up in the morning I was a little confused as to where I was as I opened my eyes. For a year I had opened them to gauzy white curtains and daylight reflecting off pale furniture and pinewood floors. (As long as you didn't count the few days I had been restrained in the basement before that first change.) But Jeremy's room was darker, not just in regards to the sunlight, but the furnishings, so many pieces in dark woods like ebony and oak. He'd left the curtains closed to the outside, to let me sleep late it seemed, though he himself was nowhere to be seen, or heard. Looking around I saw a small pile at the foot of the bed, a folded shirt I recognized from my drawer, and pair of yoga pants under that, and, as it turned out, undergarments as well, along with a fluffy white towel big enough for two, even though my shower was taken alone. I washed, dressed, slipped out of Jeremy's room after making up the bed, and stopped into my own room to finish my morning rituals of tying back my hair and putting on some makeup. Looking at myself in the mirror I searched for some kind of change in my face; and found nothing, except for the turned up corners of my mouth when I thought of the previous night, and the risk I had taken and how things had come of it. There were a few questions in my mind, but also a lightness of heart, like I might be home.

The smile still on my face I went in search of breakfast, the smell of it wafting up the stairs. Jeremy was in the kitchen; he generally did take charge of breakfast. I was happy to find him alone.

"Hi." I offered in a shy way, afraid that someone might interrupt us.

"Good morning." He said, smiling at me. "How did you sleep?"

"Like a baby." I said, coming over to take a plate from the pile on the sideboard.

"Good."

"So," I asked the big question, "what do we do now?" I started piling bacon onto my plate as a bit of a distraction against what his answer might be.

"About the others?" Jeremy came to stand beside me, a little closer than he normally would. That made me happy. We kept our voices low.

"Yes, how do we go about things now?"

"Well, we have to be mindful of them, I don't want to make them uncomfortable in their own home. I'm certain they'll figure out that we are a couple. Are we a couple Elena?"

"We are a couple." I brushed my hand alongside his.

"But we have to be careful." He took my plate from my grip and set it back on the sideboard. "I can't just pick you up and make love to you on the kitchen table here." He said in a very quiet voice. Then he whispered into my ear. "Not that I don't want to."

I'm certain I turned a shade of wholly unnatural pink. I had never heard Jeremy speak in such a manner before.

"Discretion. Especially amongst visitors." He kissed me quickly on the cheek and pulled away, picking up a plate of his own. "I won't give anyone else an opportunity to hurt you to get to me."

"They have to get to me first."

"And I know that would be a very difficult task."

"What would be a difficult task?" Nick turned the corner, yanking a long sleeve Henley shirt over his head as he did.

"Apparently having you dress for dinner." Antonio was only steps behind his son and clapped him on the shoulder as he passed. "Good Morning Jeremy, Elena." He seemed to look us up and down for a little longer than normal and I began to wonder about that. He grabbed up a plate and began stacking it with pancakes, a grin on his face that matched his son's. I looked them all over as they sat themselves around the table from a vantage point nearest the coffee. These men, Antonio, Nick, Logan and Pete (who had joined the meal shortly after the Sorrentinos), and Jeremy were my family, a gift I had not initially wanted, but right then, one I could not imagine living without. I put two pots of coffee down on the table and then joined them.

"So Elena, are we going to have a party tonight?" Antonio asked me in front of everyone.

"Now Dad, don't put Elena on the spot there." Nick jumped to my rescue. He might be a playboy, ready to proposition me or pull me into his lap to tease me, and just as ready to defend me. I put my hand on his arm

"I think that would be nice Antonio."

"So I have your permission?"

"Yes."

"Then all of you finish up and get out of my kitchen, I have work to do." Antonio staked his claim and I was happy to leave him to it. In fact, I was just happy.

Taking a cup of coffee into the living room I curled up in a chair, bringing my feet underneath me, wrapping my hands around the warm mug, feeling cozy even in the large expanse. Closing my eyes for a little while (not that I was tired), I replayed the feelings and visions of the past night, delighting myself with the little shivers and chills that ran through my chest as I did. I could hear Jeremy in his office, speaking with Pete, and not that I intended to eavesdrop, the enhanced hearing made it impossible not to. Pete was talking about heading back out on tour, he was a popular choice for many well known bands, and high on their list of must haves when they went out on the road. It all seemed so benign just then, a peace that was interrupted by a knock on the front door.

Now you have to understand that Stonehaven is not an urban property, it isn't even a suburban property, it is well out of town, down a country road, gated, with a long, winding lane. We don't get Girl Scouts or folks trying to convert our religion, ever. For that reason a knock on the door is out of the ordinary, and rarely means something good. I stood up, just a little apprehensive, and went to see who was there. I was not the only one curious, but I made it to the foyer first.

Opening the door I was confronted by a bouquet of roses.

"Happy Anniversary Darlin'."


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you to everyone who stopped by to read my first passage. Thank you for your likes and our favourites.

Merick

I felt cold. There was no better way to explain it. I wasn't angry, I wasn't frightened, I didn't feel the need to burst into tears and run. I just stared at him; I might have done so for a great deal longer if Jeremy hadn't come up behind me, just as curious about who had arrived as I had been. I stepped backwards without a word; whatever decision was to be made was Jeremy's not mine. Looking at Jeremy's face I saw the fleeting smile and I felt for him, Clayton was his adopted son, had been at his side since he'd been a boy, had grown in the Pack, and to earn a PhD and still function as an enforcer to keep his family safe. I knew that having to send Clayton away had nearly broken the man; but he'd had little choice. His role as Alpha had meant that he had to make choices that benefitted the entire Pack; no matter what his personal feelings were. And the laws that I had been studying laid out harsh penalties for disloyalty, all at the discretion of the Alpha. I wondered if sometimes when I had seen Jeremy alone out on the property, looking out at the woods, if he wasn't missing Clayton and second-guessing those decisions.

"Clayton."

"Jeremy."

The span of a few quiet breaths passed between them as they stared at each other, sizing up it seemed, making decisions. Nick and Pete joined the show, standing beside me, in backup for Jeremy, none of us knowing exactly what might be about to transpire.

"Would you like to come in Clay?"

"Very much, thank you."

Collectively held breaths were released as Clay stepped over the threshold, bouquet still in his right hand, though no one knew quite what to do next; except for Jeremy of course.

"Let's go into my office and talk."

The roses ended up in my hands, a wooden reaction to them being held out to me again. Thankfully Nick was there to put an arm around my shoulders and say out loud,

"Let's go put those in some water okay Elena?"

Having been given a purpose I followed him to the kitchen.

"What's happened?" Antonio asked as we invaded his space.

"Clay's back." Nick mumbled, taking the flowers from my hand, over to the sink where he began to slice off the bottoms of the stems.

"Well." Antonio said, wiping his hands off on a towel. "I guess I had better go see what's happening then. Watch the sauce for me Nicky, I'll be back."

"Sure." Nick's voice was flat, it seemed he felt as numb and confused as I did.

I pulled a vase down from a top shelf and filled it with warm water. Standing shoulder to shoulder with Nick at the sink, he added the stems one at a time.

"Are you okay Elena?" He asked as he arranged the roses.

"I don't know yet."

"Fair answer. Should I put these on the sideboard then?"

"Yes, please."

"Do you want to get out of here for awhile?"

"Yes, that would be good."

"I'll get the car keys."

I loved Nick for that.

Bear Valley had a little riverfront, and I use the word river with a bit of license, as with a running start I might have been able to jump the width of the thing in my wolf form. But there was a park that ran the length of the left bank and Nick and I took up station on one of the benches that overlooked the water on that warm afternoon. Nick had his hands in his lap, and I had mine folded tightly over my chest. Not knowing our tale one might have seen fighting lovers in our stance, or those just coming to the end of their relationship, trying to part without causing a scene.

"Did not expect that." He said out loud, not looking at me.

"Nope." I shook my head.

"How are you feeling about seeing him again?"

"I really don't know Nick, upset, more numbness I guess. I didn't want to have to deal with this, ever. I suppose that was naïve wasn't it?" I turned to him. He was a beautiful man, who wore every concern and joy on his face, especially in his eyes, which sparkled when he was happy, or aroused, which were often concurrent things for him. But those eyes narrowed and grew black when he was angry, and just then they were wide, even glistening because I knew he was as conflicted as Jeremy had to be.

"Hope is never naïve Elena."

"Will Jeremy welcome him back Nick?"

"He might, can you deal with that?"

"I don't want to hate him."

"But it's hard not to some days, eh?"

"Some days."

"You wouldn't leave us would you?"

"I don't know. God, I just don't know anything right now. There's too much to think about, too many possibilities, my brain just feels muddled." I felt him take my hand and squeeze it. I leaned against his strong shoulder and felt him kiss me on my forehead.

"I could take your mind off of it all for awhile." I knew without looking just what the grin on his face looked like as he spoke. His hand brushed along my cheek and turned my face towards his. It wasn't hard to see why so many women fell for him; those doe eyes and model beauty made him absolutely enchanting. He leaned in to kiss me and I let him just touch my lips before I bowed my head away.

"Yes?" He asked.

"No." I replied.

"One day you will give in to me Elena." He whispered.

"Never change Nick, please, never change."

"Are you still in love with Clay?"

"No, I'm not."

"Can you forgive him?"

"I hope so. Because if I don't Jeremy may never forgive me."

I hid in my room when we returned, I'm not proud of that, but I wanted to avoid seeing Clay for a little while longer. I knew he was still in the house. Just like I knew Jeremy's scent, I knew Clay's. It had stuck with me for days after he had bitten me, like it had become part of my skin, and been burned into my brain. His scent was wild, like a thunderstorm, full of the potential for destruction and the raw power of the elements. It made you feel electric, and frightened, and full of potential all at the same time. And I hated that I remembered it with such clarity. Even the fragrance of Antonio's cooking couldn't cover it. When the knock on my door came I considered not answering it, but when the voice followed some of the anxiety dissipated.

"Elena, may I come in?"

I opened the door to Jeremy. He closed it behind himself.

"Are you angry?" He asked.

"No Jeremy, I'm not."

"Are you sad?"

"No, not that either. I feel a lot of things, but not those."

"Tell me?" He took both my hands in his.

"Tell me what you've decided about Clay. I assume that he has asked to come home?"

"He has."

"And your decision?"

"Depends a great deal on you Elena. I have to weigh your comfort against his, and my own."

"Do you want him to stay?"

"He's my son Elena, but if bringing him home will chase you away then I can't do it."

"He should be home Jeremy, we both, all three of us have to forgive and leave the past in the past. If he can do that, and you can do that, then I will as well."

"Are you certain Elena?"

"I've had a lot of time today to think about it. You should go and tell him, I'm sure he's very anxious right now."

"He can wait a few more minutes, unless you want me to leave."

"I don't want you to leave."

He brought my hands up to his mouth and kissed over my fingers softly. I closed my eyes and let the feelings wash through me, purging some of the doubt about my decision. At the heart of it I knew that I couldn't hurt Jeremy by sending Clay away again, not if I expected him to be able to really love me. I couldn't poison what was so new between us. And, it had been a year since my change. Perhaps it was time to let it go.

"I love you Jeremy." I whispered. He responded by pulling my body against his and kissing me properly on the mouth, letting my hands go so that he could wrap his arms over my hips, holding me close. He continued to hold me after our kiss had ended, his head resting against mine. For some reason I felt concerned.

"Jeremy? Is everything all right?"

"I have had to make some difficult decisions as Alpha. No more so than when it came to you and to Clayton. I am so sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize to me for Jeremy."

"But I do, there are things you should know."

"No, you don't. Whatever you did then, it's in the past. I don't care. Your decisions have all been for the Pack, I don't question them." I ran my fingers through his hair, combing it back behind his ear. "You have never asked me about my past, what brought me here, good or bad. I owe you that same courtesy. I only want to look forward from now on Jeremy."

"I hope I will never disappoint you Elena."

"Or I you."

"May I take you down to dinner then?"

"I would be honored."

And so we went down, affections shrouded and I took my place at his left side, Antonio on his right, Nick beside me, and the others around the huge country table in the kitchen. Conversation began slowly, everyone testing out the waters as it were, tip toeing around myself and Clay, at least until Jeremy stood and held up his glass. I admit to some trepidation as to what he was about to say, but as usual, Jeremy knew exactly what to do.

"To our family." And that said it all. Permission had been given and the stories and questions began. I held back, still unable to make eye contact with Clay, but able to take the extra helpings that Antonio continued to ladle onto my plate, and watch Nick so that he did not continually refill my glass of wine. The food was fantastic, and the mood lightened as the evening passed and the bottles were emptied. I knew I would have to speak with Clay at the conclusion of the meal, but I had not expected him to follow me into the study, nor for the others to leave us alone.

"Can we talk Elena?" God his voice was rich with its drawl, it still made me tremble, it was so powerful.

I took a deep breath hoping it would calm a racing heart.

"Thank you, for whatever you said to Jeremy."

"I didn't say anything but the truth. This is your family Clay, I can't be part of taking that away from you, you have more right to it than I do, and they need you as much as you need them."

"They need you too."

"So we'll both just have to manage around each other for their sakes, okay?"

He nodded.

"Do you hate me Elena?"

"No, I don't Clay, not any more."

"Can you forgive me?"

"Yes. I already have."

"For their sakes?"

"And my own."

"I swear I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you. I know you feel betrayed."

I nodded: it was a good word.

"One day I will prove that I am worth your love Elena."

"I can't love you Clay. I don't know if I ever did."

He stepped towards me and I stepped backwards, keeping a distance between us.

"Please don't say that Elena."

"Clay, I was a girl when we met, out of the system, trying to figure out who I was. You were larger than life, you were kind, you were the only man I'd ever known who'd treated me like I was worth something. Of course I fell for you."

"You loved me."

"I thought I did. But now I just don't know Clay. I'm sorry."

"No Elena, I'm sorry."

He walked away from me, over to the window. I could see his shoulders slumped, defeated. I hated that I had done that.

"Why did you bring me to Stonehaven Clay?"

"I wanted to marry you, I wanted Jeremy to meet you, and I wanted his blessing." He spoke out to the darkened glass.

"But you had to know he couldn't give it to you?"

"I hoped he would see that you were special, that he would make an exception to the law."

"How could he? I've read the laws Clay. You put him in a terrible position, and then you put me in one."

"I didn't mean to Elena, but I just knew I couldn't live without you."

"But you were willing to risk my life because you couldn't live without me?"

"I knew you'd survive the transition."

"No Clay," I wrapped my hands over my chest again tightly, trying to keep my voice from becoming shrill. This was every conversation I had played over in my head over the last twelve months, every scripted word, every justification for a simmering anger that I was trying so hard to let go of. Clay was bringing out those emotions in me, just has he'd always been able to bring out those primal feelings. "No, you didn't. Everything that you knew should have screamed that I was going to die."

"I've read the histories too Elena. Every old family can trace its line to a female werewolf; Sorrentino, Escobado, Santos, Danvers. I knew it was possible."

"Possible, but not probable. You had no right to make that choice for me Clay."

He let his head hang, matching his arms, limp at his sides. I hadn't wanted to hurt him, hadn't wanted to say these things out loud.

"I know."

He sounded broken and I hated it. I took the few steps that separated us and put my hands on his biceps.

"Please Clay, it's over. I need to move on and you do too."

When he turned and looked at me I could see the tears in his eyes, I suspect they looked just like mine.

"You're with Jeremy now aren't you? I can smell him all over you."

I pulled away in shock.

"When I was speaking with him earlier I could smell you on him as well but I passed it off, telling myself that you must have been training together. But now I understand."

"Don't do this Clay."

"He's a good man, the Alpha. This is the way it should be."

"Clay." I didn't want to hear this from him, not in that clipped, resigned voice.

"I'm happy for you."

"No you aren't."

"No, I'm not, and I should go."

I grabbed his shoulders again.

"No!"

"If I stay here I am going to try to win you back."

"Damn it Clay!"

"I'll stay until I can secure another teaching position, I'll stay out of your way, I'll try not to interfere."

"Your family needs you Clay."

"You're the only one that I need Elena."

"You stubborn ass!"

He pursed his lips together and just stared at me. I had to leave, and brushed past him as I did. He let me go thankfully because if he hadn't I don't know what I might have done next. It was bad enough what he whispered as I passed him.

"I love you darlin'."


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

I don't know when I fell asleep, but I know when I woke, because I felt such misery when I did.

I had stripped down and crawled under the sheets alone, most nights I appreciated their coolness, but not that night. They only made me feel frozen, inside and out. At some point sleep did take me, and I woke to feel an arm slip across my chest, pulling me backwards into a strong chest. It seemed the most natural thing then to pull that arm tightly around me, to twine my fingers into the hand, and receive the kisses that were laid carefully against the back of my neck. I sighed with contentment. Contentment that morphed into passions as those hands began to explore my body lazily. I arched back into him, feeling the full extent of his desires slide between my legs. The hungry mouth kissed and suckled my neck as he rocked against me, hands clutching my breasts, rhythm increasing, strength flowing, all passing into me till I gave myself to him, my body, my love, completely. Turning in his arms I took his kisses as he released me. My eyes opening to the soft glance, the curled smile, the soft hands.

"I will always love you Darlin'."

I woke with a start.

"Oh no." I whispered to my empty, dark room. "No."

I had to get out of the bed, even though it had been a dream. I needed to get out of that room, out of that house, I needed to force my mind into a purpose other than trying to sort out dreams and emotions, I needed to run. Dawn wasn't far off according to my bedside clock, and so I dressed in yoga pants, a tank and my boots and crept out of the house to the tree line.

Jeremy had a number of sheds on the property. Most were empty or held a few tools for show. I chose one a further out and ducked inside to make my change. It never got easier, feeling your insides distort and re-form, bones elongate, muscles and sinews stretch and expand. It felt as if your skin would tear as your body was forced to all fours, and though you tried to scream that ability was closed off, in favor of the growl. If you didn't fight it, it was a little easier, but not by much. I had propped the latch to the shed open so that I could easily nose my way out and back in when I was done. After a few moments to catch my breath and let the pain dissipate I was ready.

The sky was pink, the sun just beginning to rise beyond the trees, the ground was cold against the pads of my feet and my senses were assaulted by the smell of the earth, and the summer growth, not to mention the sounds of nature waking up, birds and small mammals. I left the human behind and I began to run. The uneven ground was a challenge, planting my feet properly, dislodging forest detritus, leaping over fallen branches and tree trunks, landing with a power that scattered the mice and birds. I felt the breath heaving through my muzzle, panting between locked fangs and parted lips. The cold air felt amazing. So did the power I knew lurked in those muscles, now a part of me in both my forms. Training with Jeremy had given me such strength and confidence. All of that came out in the wolf form, I could do anything then, I wouldn't be a victim then, it was the best thing about the transformation. After ten good minutes of powered running my muscles began to burn, lactic acid build up that didn't quite force me into stopping, but encouraged it. I slowed and then rested against the forest floor, only then could I hear the other wolf in the woods with me. The beautiful brown shoulders, pointed ears and sharp eyes were as familiar to me as my own; Jeremy. Dipping my head, as was only proper, I allowed him to come over to me and nuzzle me a little, our necks twining together in a lupine dance of sorts: paws planted firmly but bodies swaying together. He nipped at me playfully and I took off running again. The pursuit was glorious, even more so when he pounced on me; he was stronger and faster, and we rolled to the ground together, teeth locked on fur, gleaming eyes boring holes in each other, sticks and leaves matted into our fur. If wolves could laugh, (but they can't), our voices came out as high growls, our chests vibrating against each other. We were both left panting, collapsed on the ground, and speaking for myself, blissful in the absence of human worries.

Padding back to the shed together Jeremy let me enter alone. The transformation back was no less painful unfortunately, and it left me sore and tired. (Though the fatigue might have been from the run). I began to dress very slowly, stretching out each muscle, as if fitting them back into place over my bones again. I had very little covering me when the door was nosed open, and Jeremy, still as his wolf entered. I was surprised, I had thought he would have changed back as well, but instead he laid his head in my lap and I felt his body soften as he first relaxed and then heave as he tensed, changing right there in front of me. All I could do was hold him as I watched from the outside all the pain I knew so well. Tears pooled in my eyes, and when it was done I lay down beside him and shared each breath as he breathed.

The sun was well risen in the sky when we returned to the house. Jeremy had things to attend to and I settled myself down with a book again in my room, not that I could concentrate on it very well. Damned subconscious. It would have been so much easier if I could have just hated Clay, but now, seeing him again, remembering him, I remembered the way he'd made me feel just when I'd needed to feel safe and loved and cherished. Hatred made you slow and scattered. It took away your power in a fight. Jeremy had taught me that, though at the time I hadn't understood where that lesson was guiding me. I knew now and I needed to talk with Clay, properly talk with Clay. I needed to make a true peace somehow, and I knew where he would be.

The back garden was where we trained in our human forms. It was out of the view of anyone who might come up the driveway to the house; those people being few and far between, and offered a wide yard, bordered by the woods for sparring. Nick and Clay were out there, barefoot and bare chested, circling each other (not unlike what Jeremy and I had done early), grins on their faces, hair a little wild, hands poised to grapple. I slipped out the kitchen door as quietly as I could to just watch them play, because they were playing, two brothers reconnecting after a long absence. Nick had rarely been without a smile since I had known him, but sometimes I had wondered if that smile was more for my benefit than a genuine one. Just then I didn't have to wonder; both of them wore pure, nearly gleeful emotions on their faces. I didn't want to interrupt. It made me happy to see it, and made my heart feel a little more certain of what I needed to say; when they were done of course. I'm sure they knew I was there, but they never missed a beat in their dance. They were beautiful to watch with their strength, and their elegance, and their power.

Only when they were done; and by done I did not mean that either of them had conceded defeat, did they wander over to where I was siting on the stone steps, in the sunlight.

"You look good." I said to them both.

"Yeah." Nick patted Clay on his abs, "You haven't lost too much for being away."

"What do mean? I've gotten better!" Clay snarled back, the laughter not at all disguised.

"Well those arms look a little soft." Nick countered.

Nick loved to rile up his brothers, and they all took it in the vein with which it was offered.

"What do you think Elena?" Nick brought me into the conversation.

"Oh no, I'm not getting in the middle of this one, sorry Nick. My original comment stands, you both look good."

Clay hadn't said anything to me directly; in fact he was keeping his eyes downcast.

"Can we talk Clay?" I didn't want to put him on the spot, or Nick either, but I had screwed up my courage and I had to act right then before I lost my nerve.

"I'll see you guys inside later then." And Nick was gone. He knew without me having to say, that I needed that privacy.

"I'm sorry about last night." I began.

He tugged his tee shirt over his head, still avoiding eye contact.

"I said some things that I'm not proud of."

"You were honest." I hated the clipped sadness in his voice.

"I shouldn't have said that I never loved you."

That revelation made him look at me finally.

"I did love you Clay. I did want to marry you. I wanted to spend my whole life with you."

"I wanted the same thing Elena." I could see him holding back from coming over to me.

"I don't want you to leave Stonehaven Clay. You're part of this pack. I can see how happy they all are to have you home. This last year everyone has been just a little guarded here; worried about me, worried about you. I want us all to be a family. I've never had a real family, you know that Clay."

"Yeah, I remember."

I took the few steps towards him.

"You know so much about me Clay, you're like part of my soul. I don't want to lose you. I was just confused and angry before. And I might still be a bit confused, but not about wanting to keep you in my life somehow."

"I'll take it." And he pulled me into his chest, wrapping those strong arms around my back, not crushing me, but making me feel so safe, just like before, back in Toronto, the very first time we had admitted that we had feelings for each other. I sighed with some sense of relief. Little did I know, that like most positive things in my life to that point, the sensation would be a fleeting one.

I didn't know how things were supposed to work with Jeremy and I; really I'd only ever had one relationship before, and with Clay it had been both feet in, jump off the end of the dock immersion when we'd gotten together. We spent every moment we could side by side, slept together every night, and really only parted if he had to attend meetings or classes. We were addicted to each other. But I knew enough to know that that wasn't the typical sort of relationship. I hadn't seen Jeremy since our run, he hadn't taken his meals with us, and neither had Antonio. I was a little surprised that he'd not been out enjoying the opportunity to reconnect with Clay; but I also knew that being a pack Alpha meant a great deal of time politicking. The fact that Antonio was closeted away with him indicated that it was likely Pack business. I certainly knew enough not to disturb those types of meetings.

Nick, Clay and Pete had decided to go into Bear Valley for a drink and a wander about, and had invited me to come along, but I had declined their invitation. I knew that Nick was on the prowl (when wasn't he?), and that he and Pete were likely trying to take Clay's mind off of me (and Jeremy), so my presence certainly wouldn't help either of those objectives along. Besides, I wanted to wait to see if Jeremy would emerge. As much as I wanted to think of myself as a mature woman in this relationship, and not dependent upon him; I was lonely. All I'd ever known was being attached to Clay, and this was so new, and I was so insecure, I just wanted to be there if he did come looking for me. After a while it seemed as if he wasn't going to do that and so I went to bed.

Having changed into a sleepshirt and turned down the covers on my bed, I went to rest my hands on the sill, the windows still opened to the night. The air outside smelled like home to me, especially in the summer when we could leave the windows open with no fear of the cold or the weather. I had become more aware of such things in the last few days; things I had taken for granted until they were challenged.

The lights were dimmed so that I could see outdoors, watching for the owls and the bats that ruled the night skies of Stonehaven. I had never considered such things when I was in Toronto. Of course there wasn't much wildlife there, if you didn't count raccoons and squirrels. I didn't. There had been the occasional coyote, running in the ravines, but the houses I lived in growing up didn't often have ravine views; at least not nice ravines, certainly railway tracks and back alleys. The view out this window was so much better than those. Clay's condo had had a view of the lake, but even that still gazed over a dozen other streets and their buildings, and the ever-present ring roads and train tracks. But it wasn't the view out that window that had made me happy there. I shut down that memory. I was still looking out my window when I heard the soft knock on the door. Apprehension filled my heart as much as the happiness.

"Come in." I whispered.

"I didn't know if you'd gone out with the others or not."

"No, I stayed back. They needed time with Clay, and he with them."

"I'm glad." Jeremy looked much as he always did, vest, button down, jeans, hair looking as though he might have raked through it with his fingers a few times, ox-eyed, and gorgeous to me. "I missed you."

"I need you so much. Please, kiss me." I let my heart speak.

Thankfully he did, with such soft passion I wanted to cry. Long fingers combed back the hair from my cheeks and my shoulders, delicately laying it down my back. I shivered at his touch.

"You are so beautiful Elena."

I laid my palm against his cheek, the warmth of his skin passing into me. Curling my fingers around the back of his head I pulled him to me, tilting my head to match his lips, pressing against him, finding his lips already parted, melting my body into his strong arms.

"I missed you too."

In a moment he had me on the bed, his hands sliding beneath my shirt, tugging it over my head, then pulling himself back to disrobe completely. All I wanted was to feel his body: I smirked at him, under mine. And as he returned to me on the mattress I hooked my legs around his and rolled him onto his back, taking my point astride him. I took his smile in my own desperate kiss, feeling his arms light around my hips. With myself arched over his chest it was a simple matter to rock my hips over his, taking him into my body. To watch his face was as joyful to my heart as the physical pleasures that took my body to its heights.

His jaw slackened, his eyes closed, the muscles in his arms corded under his skin as he bucked against my thrusts. I felt the simmering power in his thighs beneath me. His hands took mine, pulling them to his mouth where he kissed my fingertips and then suckled them into his mouth, his tongue swirling around them, teasing with his captivating grin and those eyes locked to mine.

I mouthed 'I love you' to him as I let myself go, he caught me as I fell against him, holding me so tightly I could barely breathe; not that I cared. We rolled to our sides; me nestled into his chest, his hands stroking my back in lazy circles as our heartbeats calmed again.

"Thank you for this, for everything, for this morning Jeremy." I whispered to him, not wanting to break the spell we had woven.

"I will always run with you Elena." I felt his breath warm on my crown.

"I meant letting me see you change, that was such an intimate thing Jeremy, you have no idea how much it means to me that you would share that with me."

"But it isn't the first time you've seen me change Elena."

I was confused.

"What do you mean? Of course it's the first time."

I felt his arms freeze against me, his chest growing hard.

"The day Clayton brought you to Stonehaven," He stammered, I didn't understand but I could feel his panic, mirroring my own.

"What about that day?" I moved to look directly into his face, his lips were parted, his eyes wide.

"You were sitting on the stone steps alone, you had to have seen me, I wasn't expecting you, I'd just come back from a run, I was changing at the periphery of the forest, you looked right at me."

"I didn't Jeremy, I never saw you, not until Clay brought me into your study." Panic was making my heart race and my breaths come shallowly.

"Oh God." He went ashen, "this is all my fault." He pulled away from me moving to sit on the edge of the bed, his shoulders slumped forward, his head in his hands. I rose as well and draped my hand onto his shoulder.

"I don't understand."

"Elena, I am so sorry. I thought," he choked a little on a sob, I felt tears welling in my eyes, the feeling of foreboding was palpable, I could taste bile in my throat. "I thought that you had seen me, you were an outsider, you know the laws."

Everything in my body went cold, my arms went slack; I hardly thought I could stay upright. I knew exactly what he meant and I felt sick. I pulled the bedclothes up to cover me like a shield.

"I'm so sorry Elena, I should go." He didn't even look at me as he slipped into his jeans and gathered the remaining clothing. I did nothing to stop him: I was numb. I watched as the door closed leaving me in the dark and I cried.


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

I don't know how long I cried for. Minutes? Hours? The misery I felt was all consuming it seemed; especially alone, in the dark, in a room that should never have been mine but for a series of unfortunate incidents, circumstances, fate, all beyond my control. I didn't know whether to scream, or run, or break something, or to just curl into a ball to keep crying until I passed out. Even that decision was taken from me, as I heard my door open without the warning knock, and a little of the light from the hallway spilled in. It wasn't hard to sort out to whom the shadow belonged.

"Jeremy sent me to check on you."

"Clay." My wracked throat couldn't manage more than a whisper, and even that ached.

"Oh God." He rushed to my side on the bed where I was still wrapped in the sheets, a rumpled mess. I didn't even know if I was properly covered. It didn't matter to Clay; it didn't matter to me. "What's happened?" I could see the fight in his eyes, wanting to reach out and pull me into his arms, but afraid to do so.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I squeaked out, muffled by the sheets I had drawn up to wipe away my tears.

"Why didn't I tell you what?"

"The real reason why you bit me Clay."

I watched him take a very deep, slow breath. I knew he was trying to decide what to say, trying to establish how much I really knew.

"I bit you because I couldn't live without you Elena."

"You bit me to save my life Clay. Why didn't you tell me what Jeremy ordered you to do?"

He understood now that I knew the truth, the whole truth.

"I couldn't Elena. Once you'd changed you had to stay here, you had to be part of the Pack, and you had to trust him. You couldn't have done that if you'd known."

"If I'd known that Jeremy had ordered you to kill me."

"Yes." Clay let his head hang down.

"It was easier for you to bear the burden of all that?"

"Yes, it was."

"Damn you both." I balled my hands into fists. "Damn you both for lying and damn you both for making me love you."

The exertion of that final statement sent me into a coughing fit, which had me doubled over in the mess of sheets. I felt his hands come to rest on my back. They only provoked another round of sobbing.

"What do you want to do Elena?" Clay asked me.

"I have to get out of here."

"Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know." God, I sounded like a child, sniffling and coughing just to be able to breathe through the tears. "I don't have anywhere to go, I don't have a home to run back to."

"You can go to Toronto."

"I don't have money to rent a shithole apartment there, I didn't finish school, I can't even get a job." I was shaking by then, my mind scattered to the winds, what I was stuttering out didn't even make sense to me.

"You can have the condo."

That made me stop.

"You still have it?" I was confused.

"I couldn't get rid of it, it was the only memory I had of you, the only place where I could remember being happy."

"You've been there this whole time?"

He nodded. I drove a balled up fist against his chest in my fury. He understood the source of my anger even if I didn't quite know it myself.

"I'll get you set up with everything you need: money, groceries, a car if you want. For as long as you need."

"What if I can't ever come back here Clay?"

He couldn't answer me and I don't think I really wanted him to.

I didn't even care if Clay wanted to watch me dress; I was beyond that type of embarrassment or concern. I pulled on pants, a top, my boots and took a jacket. I didn't want anything else from Stonehaven to follow me to Toronto and I didn't want to waste the time, or risk the discovery if I was to pack anything. Jeremy was still the Alpha, and his word was still law, though I doubted that Clay would have listened if he had tried to stop us. I just didn't want them to end up at each other's throats, or to wake the entire house. No one else needed to know about my stupidity. Thankfully the hallways were empty and we took Clay's truck from the converted stables without any interference.

We made the drive across the border in silence. I don't suppose either of us knew what to say. At least the quiet gave me time to calm down. Clay stopped for gas and brought me back a tea, generously sweetened with honey because he knew how raw my throat was. He offered a pastry but I shook my head. I didn't think I could keep anything settled in my stomach, it all just felt like acid in there.

It had been a year since I had been to Toronto but I remembered the way to Clay's downtown condo building. Even so, I followed him from the parking garage up to the elevator, and then down the hall to his door with my head down. I didn't want anyone to see my red face and tearstained cheeks. He turned the key and stood aside for me to enter.

Nothing had changed. The same glasses were on the bar, the same dishes in the drainer, the same blanket thrown over the back of the sofa, it could have been the day we'd taken our last trip, out to Stonehaven, the only thing missing were flowers. Clay always bought me flowers; their vase was sitting on the sideboard, as empty as I felt.

"Your things are still in the closet." He whispered as I turned to him, the question obvious on my face. "I couldn't get rid of them, I couldn't get rid of anything."

"Oh Clay." The tears were back. I turned to see my reflection in the floor to ceiling windows that overlooked the lake. The sun still hadn't risen and I watched Clay come up behind me, his face as sad as mine. I saw his arms moving and felt them come around to wrap my waist. I made no move against it. In fact I leaned back against him, letting him take my weight. He kissed the top of my head, and I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the present but wanting to feel the memories of the last time I had been there. Clay's hands began to move against my body, a palm resting against my belly, the other moving upwards to brush over my breasts as he began to nuzzle my neck.

"Clay, don't, I love Jeremy." There was no force in my voice.

"But not the way that you love me." He spun me in his grasp so we were face to face. Giving me the span of two breaths to look at his dark eyes, pupils wide, swollen, parted lips, and his heaving chest, he waited for my answer. To say smoldering might make it sound like a cheap romance novel, but I could see the fire, and he did make me feel weak in the knees, a fluttering chest like a mouthful of champagne whose bubbles had spread out all through my body.

"Never the way I love you." I had to surrender.

He forced his mouth down on mine and I accepted it, and him, pouring my sadness, and confusion and anger into a rough kiss, my hands scrabbling to keep ahold of him as he yanked at my pants, tugging them out of his way. He freed himself and lifted me off my feet, backing us away from the window as he plunged his body into mine, thrusting against me as I wrapped my legs around him, making no effort to suppress the roar in his chest. The moans in the room were mine as I begged him for everything his body would give me.

We fell asleep in our old bed, naked bodies wrapped in each other, and slept until well into the day. I woke to his fingertips on the back of my neck, combing the hair into a part so that he could kiss me there. Almost every bit of me wanted to sink into the feelings that were rising, to give in to his hands, and his mouth and his body again, to just be in love with him in that room. But I couldn't.

"You have to go Clay."

His roving hands halted their progression and I rolled over to look at him.

"What do you mean Darlin'?"

"I mean you have to go back to Stonehaven. And I have to stay here, alone, for awhile."

"I don't understand Elena." He rose up on one elbow.

"I need you to go back to Stonehaven, I need you to let the others know that I'm okay, but that I'm just not going to be answering their phone calls or texts for a few weeks. I need to figure out what I'm going to do, where I belong."

"You belong with the Pack Elena. We're your family, we can help you through this."

I reached out to touch his cheek; he covered my hand with his. God he looked so beautiful, my resolve crumbling. I closed my eyes to try to focus.

"Please Clay, a month, let me get things settled in my head, I promise I'll be right here when you come back. I just need to do this without having to see you, or Jeremy, or the others, I can't think straight when I look at you."

"One month, not an hour longer, and I'll be back. Sooner if you want me, you only have to ask.

"Thank you." I whispered, a little surprised that he had agreed without much of a fight.

I let him kiss my forehead softly but I stayed in bed when he rose to shower and dress. I couldn't watch him leave.

When I finally did rise I found myself surrounded by memories again. Clay had been truthful, the closet still held my clothing, the toiletries in the bathroom were still the luxurious unscented ones Clay preferred. Of course I understood that need now. My coffee mug was still in the cupboard. That made me smile. So did the keys left on the kitchen counter, and the small pile of bills underneath them. Beside them was a credit card; one with my name on it. For a moment I was confused, how could Clay have possibly arranged that overnight? But when I checked the 'member since' date on it I found it a year old. He'd obviously gotten the card issued thinking we were going to be married. There was a PIN written on a yellow sticky note stuck to the back of it.

Everything I saw for that first few hours was a memory of our life together. Maybe he'd meant it to be that way? Since his fridge lacked a lot of perishables I took the money and the credit card and went out to a local market I remembered, hoping it was still there. I filled two sacks with fresh fruit, eggs, bacon, steaks and chicken, figuring it would last me for a few days. I wasn't used to cooking; the boys at home usually did most of it. I caught myself; 'home', conflicting memories of Stonehaven and Toronto were at war in my head. I needed a place to think that wouldn't remind me of either of them, and that was going to be hard. Clay and I had explored so much of that neighborhood together, and the University Campus as well. I needed to go a little further afield. I am sorry to say there aren't a great deal of places in Toronto where one could go to be alone and quiet, at least not that I knew of. I settled on a run through downtown to the harbor front. It was quite industrial in nature, the point I chose, not at all like the riverfront in Bear Valley and that suited me just fine. I cleared my mind of everything but the pace of my feet on the concrete and the olfactory nightmare. There was an odd sense of independence in it and I returned to the condo tired, sweaty, and just a little more empowered.

My next purchase was a camera, and I spent the next two days taking pictures of places I had never been before. I used Clay's desktop computer to download the pictures and play with them a little. I had them printed at the drugstore across the street and propped them up around the condo. Perhaps I was avoiding thinking or making real decisions with the distraction? Or perhaps I was proving to myself that I had some kind of talent besides tracking and sparring. I don't know that the photos were all that good, there was no one to ask. The Pack had left me alone for those first forty-eight hours, but after that things began to trickle in.

The concierge called just after breakfast to ask if he could come up with a bouquet of flowers that had been delivered for me. Clay. After that my phone pinged with a message from Nick, just to ask if I was okay, not that I had to call him back or anything. It made me smile. The daytime was good like that; I found distractions, and some peace of mind, making mental lists about what was so good about Stonehaven, and why I should go back. It was the nights that were difficult.

The subconscious was a miserable imp, plying me with memories of Clay in the bed we had shared, and the feeling of Jeremy's tender attentions; not less loving, but definitely less feral than Clay's. And while I had made the decision that I was lonely, and had grown used to the full house of Stonehaven and my family there, I had not made a decision about what I would do when I returned. When I thought about it, it seemed terrible to be thinking about making a choice between Clay and Jeremy, two men that I did love, perhaps in different ways or for different reasons. Who was I to dare to assume anything about what type of relationship they might want with me, if any at all. And that thought made me very sad. Damned night and damned darkness, making me question everything. It might have helped my peace of mind if I'd had any kind of message from Jeremy, but I hadn't. Nick was now sending emoticons designed to make me smile, it appeared he'd done the latest update on his smartphone. Antonio was mentioned when he did add a little text. Pete sent me a link to a You Tube video from the band he was going to be touring with. And Clay continued to send flowers, every few days.

I couldn't ask Clay about Jeremy, but I could ask Nick. It was the first outgoing text I had sent and I wondered what the reaction would be. It was rather rapid.

"He's been keeping to himself."

"Has he asked about me?"

"He knows you're safe. Clay told us all that much."

I didn't know what to write after that, it wasn't the answer I was hoping for, not that I knew exactly what I was hoping to hear.

"Are you coming home soon?" Nick asked me.

"If you think I'll be welcome." I was beginning to doubt it. I'd never intended to break up my only family.

"Of course you will Elena."

"Make sure for me, okay?"

I didn't sleep so well that night either.

I was a little afraid to check my phone the following day, so I didn't. I didn't want to hear anyone say that it would be better if I didn't come back, that the Pack would be better off without me there to put two of its strongest members at each others' throats. Then I thought that I must be deluded, to think that of myself, and then I wondered if I was losing my mind.

When I wasn't busy I thought about Stonehaven too much, well, I thought about Jeremy and Clay too much, so I kept busy, mostly in the gym in the building and in the kitchen because I was ravenous, more so than usual, likely because I was having to cook for myself and not always able to grab and reheat a plate of leftovers. I tucked the phone into a drawer and Netflixed a few period dramas. I swung from wanting to think about what I was going to do, and wanting to ignore it for just one more day. My days ran out when I got a firm knock on the door just after four in the afternoon, followed by the sound of keys in the lock.

"Elena?" The door swung open, I hadn't even had time to get off the couch.

"Clay? What's happened?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt your time Elena, but I couldn't send you a text about this."

He looked terrible, like he hadn't slept for days, or eaten either. He was grey and worn out looking and I rushed to him.

"What couldn't you tell me about?"

"It's Pete." I watched him swallow hard, the feeling of dread over what he was about to say practically filling the room, and my chest besides. "He's dead."

"Oh God." My hand went to my mouth and a cold shudder ran the length of my spine. I felt the prickling of the tears in my eyes. "What happened?"

"A mutt, we think, we need you to come home."

"Of course, give me two minutes to grab up my things." I was already moving to the bedroom where I had stowed my messenger bag. I tossed in my passport, my camera, my phone and threw my purse over my shoulders. Everything else, anything else could wait. The cold was seeping through to my fingertips and I was steeling myself against completely falling apart. I was going back to Stonehaven, but not the way I wanted to. I returned to the great room.

"Are these yours?" Clay was holding up a couple of my prints. I nodded as I retrieved a jacket and my boots.

"They're really good."

"Just playing around with the camera." I was at the door, ready to go.

"You could sell them Elena."

"Nobody wants to buy my silly pictures."

Clay bundled them up anyways and we headed down for the truck. I learned the terrible details on the ride home.

Nick was on the porch as we pulled up. Clay let me out and took the truck around the back to park. If Clay had looked grim (and had continued looking that way for the entire trip) Nick was the picture of misery. His eyes were red, his hands nervous and jittery, his movements exaggerated and spooked. It made sense; Pete had been discovered on the property, an act that spoke of defiance and trouble. And an act that assured that no one from the Pack would or could go to the police without bringing down scrutiny on our odd little family. Not that we likely would have anyways; this murder wasn't random, no, it was someone who knew about our dual nature and was directly challenging it, and Jeremy's authority. And sadly, Pete's hadn't been the first body left within our environs. Nick gave me a desperate hug, both of us soaking the other's shoulders with tears.

"Welcome home Elena." His voice sounded raw.

"Where's Jeremy?"

"He's in his study. Been there all day."

"Is he alone?"

"Yeah."

"I have to go see him."

"Yeah, I think he'd like that. Come on." Holding my hand firmly Nick took me up the stairs and into a very somber house. There were no scents of cooking, no noise from music players, not even the almost ever-present hum of electronics. It was as if Stonehaven had simply stopped. It was eerie.

Antonio was sitting outside the closed study doors, back straight, hands on the arms of the chair, seemingly counting his breaths. But I knew better. He was waiting for any type of summons from his Alpha, or perhaps for any ominous noise from within so that he could charge. We said nothing to each other, at least nothing anyone else could hear; and that was enough. Antonio stood and opened the door for me to pass.

Jeremy was facing the large stone fireplace in the room, his shoulders hunched, arms on the mantle. He did not turn; likely because he knew that Antonio would never permit entrance to anyone he didn't think needed to be there, or possibly because he recognized my scent.

"Jeremy?" I whispered his name; it didn't seem to be the time to call out for him. He turned slowly. "I'm so sorry." I rushed to his arms, babbling my apologies, as if my presence could have possibly averted this terrible tragedy for our family. "I should never have left." His arms wrapped me tightly, pulling me into his chest, my hold on him just as tight. I felt his forehead come to rest against mine, and felt the sob wrack his chest, or maybe that was mine.

"I'm so glad you're home."


	5. Chapter 5

Part 5

Dinner tasted like cardboard, it was an effort just to chew and swallow. But we did it, all of us there at Stonehaven; Jeremy, Antonio, Clay, Nick, and myself. Then we started to talk. We would do our tribute to Pete when the sun set, and then Jeremy and Clay were going to take me out to the place where they'd found him, to see if I could find any kind of scent, to see if I recognized anyone. They were also going to show me where the body of a girl had been discovered with obvious wolf signs on it, very close to Stonehaven. How close we could get to it was an issue as the local police were investigating that scene; and kept turning their eyes and suspicions towards Stonehaven. The nighttime offered us our best chance at any kind of reconnaissance. The sheriff had been out to the house already; Jeremy had offered his support, but little else, as was his right. It was bad enough that the townsfolk were hunting for a wolf, we didn't need their suspicions to fall on the outsiders; when those men got a little drink in their bellies and guns in their hands they were dangerous. Antonio had had to warn a few off the property before; before they felt a righteous duty to hunt a man-killer. We had to be even more careful now; and we had to avoid changing, at Jeremy's order.

We had a clearing at the far end of the property, still within sight of the main house, but far enough from the road that any activities being conducted there could be quickly disguised against non-pack eyes. Pete's body was brought there and laid upon the carefully constructed pyre. Thankfully he was wrapped in a shroud, I don't think I could have looked at his familiar face and still held onto the slim shred of composure that I was maintaining. Off to the side were camouflaging piles of leaves, so the whole thing could be written off as a burn of landscaping detritus, which was quite legal. Fortunately it did not come to that as our simple tribute went uninterrupted.

Unlike the more traditional services you might be familiar with; prayers, speeches, wailing, our ceremony was quiet. We watched our brother consumed, released his spirit to his gods, whomever they were; we didn't ask such things. And said our goodbyes internally. Had we gone back to the house after the pile had been reduced to ash there would have been drinking and stories, but that was delayed, likely not to come at all, and not out of disrespect to Pete. Three of us headed out into the woods, senses heighted.

His resting place hadn't been disturbed since Clay had found him, Jeremy told me that. We were still keeping our conversation to a minimum, but I thought that perhaps that had less to do with being discovered than with the tension that was keeping us all on edge. I dropped down to my knees and stirred up some of the earth with my fingers to release particles that might have been trapped there. I tried not to dwell on the fact that my friend had died there, or had at least been unceremoniously dumped there. A stuffy nose from tears wouldn't help me at all. I drew in deep breath after deep breath. I found Pete and I found one other. Wracking my memory from all my studies, from all those who had come by the house in the last year I searched for the person but could not find him. I shook my head unhappily.

"I'm sorry, it's no one that I know. But I'll remember it forever." I knew I would.

"You did your best Elena. Let Clay and I destroy the scene then, so that no hunting dogs stumble across it." I knew what Jeremy meant to do, and I stepped back and turned away.

Of course if the sheriff was on the hunt of a killer, the dogs might bring her to the site of another death, and the easiest way to dissuade dogs was to overwhelm them with another scent, of a predator, something they would steer well clear of. Two wolves would do the job.

The second site was just outside the boundaries of Jeremy's land, so we had to navigate the bared wire fence to reach it. Likely it had been that fence that had kept the killer out. As a man he wouldn't have been able to drag a body over it, not as a wolf either. And if the poor girl hadn't already been dead he might have had a time convincing her to slip through it. Everyone in Bear Valley knew about Stonehaven, and few wished to trespass: except as I mentioned before, when they were drunk with righteous purpose. The yellow police tape was the marker to indicate we were in the right place, and fortunately for us, the place was deserted. I repeated my scan of the area. It was far more foul than the first site. The girl had been raped out here, the scent of her bodily fluids and his had mixed with the blood and the rot and the decay wrought by the insects over the few days she'd lain undisturbed. But under it all was the same wolf scent as before, and one other, one I did recognize.

"Santos." I whispered under my breath, I knew my escorts would hear it.

Clay did not censor his curse, only the volume.

"We thought as much." Jeremy told me.

"He was here with someone else, someone new, but the same person as with Pete."

"Of course, he wouldn't dare leave his scent on Pack lands, he'd send a mutt in there to do the deed. But out here, he'd want us to know."

Clay cursed a few more choice words.

Daniel Santos had lived on the fringes of the pack his entire life, never stepping quite so far out of line to bring censure, but pushing the boundaries to a razor thin line. Clay had told me about him, how they'd known each other as boys, but how their play had been quite different than that of his and Nick's. No, those two were out for blood when it came to each other, and Clay always took the upper hand. That had left a bitter taste with Daniel. That and the fact that his father had always aspired to be Alpha, hadn't been named, and had died in some kind of challenge to Jeremy. (I wasn't sure if it was official or not, Jeremy hadn't offered any details.) It seemed Daniel felt himself possessed of his own righteous indignation.

We were all told to get some sleep, Jeremy was going to be summoning Daniel to Stonehaven at first light; whether he came or not seemed to be a point of contention. Under their breath most of the men had an opinion one-way or the other. But they kept them to themselves. I returned to my bedroom, not expecting any company at all, there were plans to be made that did not involve me at this point. I was a soldier, ready for my orders, but at this point I was not part of the planning. Neither it seemed was Nick, as he was waiting on my bed, knees crossed, empty glass of scotch on my nightstand.

I kicked off my boots and lay down beside him, exhausted.

"That could have been me." He said out into space. He'd registered my presence, but his body hadn't relaxed at all. He needed to talk, and so he did.

"It could have been any of us Elena. I'm just so glad you weren't here. Although he could have found you in Toronto and we wouldn't have known for days."

"He won't kill me. I'm too valuable." I'd been pondering that fact since we'd discovered Santos' involvement. I'd met the man once; he'd come to Stonehaven, ostensibly to pay respects, but truthfully to get a look at me. The scent rolling off him then had made me nauseous, the memory had the same effect.

"Yeah, you're probably right. But that thought doesn't give me much comfort." He stretched himself out to lay beside me, grasping for my hand in the darkness.

"We'll look after each other now Nick."

"Yeah, we will." He turned his head and kissed my temple. "I'm so glad you're home."

"Me too."

To say Clay was slightly surprised in the morning when he came to wake me up and found Nick there might have been an understatement, but since we were both fully dressed he let it go pretty easily.

"Antonio has breakfast ready and Daniel is on his way." Was what he announced to us both before closing the door behind himself. I shoved Nick, who had made himself a bit of a nest out of my pillows, and told him I was going for a shower. He offered to join me. I declined.

"He'll know what the meeting is all about." I heard Clay say as I rounded the corner into the kitchen. Nick was still making himself beautiful I assumed, as he was not already around the table with his father and the other gentlemen.

"That's fine." Jeremy's tone was again the calculating, one step ahead of everyone else tone from the previous night.

"Are we going to accuse him of Pete's murder then?"

"No Clay, we are not. But we are going to ask him about whatever Mutt he has working for him."

"He'll know that Elena has found him out."

"Yes he will, and he likely will deny any involvement anyways, or make up some poor excuse that he was hunting the Mutt himself. But we will keep our emotions in check. This meeting is about a warning, and about seeing if he will give up any of his greater plan; because there is most certainly something much greater at stake here than a pissing contest."

"There always is with a Santos."

I remained quiet as Clay and Jeremy spoke, making up a plate of breakfast for myself and consuming it quickly. Only when they took a break did I pipe up.

"Did you want me here Jeremy, when you talk to him?"

"Not at the beginning, but if you wouldn't mind staying near Elena, so I can call on you if I feel that he might be a little more forthcoming in your presence."

"Whatever I can do to help Jeremy."

"If you and Clay could stay together, maybe on the front porch? Make sure he doesn't bring anyone else along."

We both nodded.

"And me?" Nick had finally joined us.

"You and your father will be in the meeting with me, in case other steps have to be taken."

And by that Jeremy meant ending Santos once and for all: and doing it quietly with as little damage to the furnishings as possible. Such things were Antonio's specialty.

"Now everyone eat so you have all your strength, and as I said before, no changing on the grounds unless you have absolutely no choice." That one was meant for Clay and I, because if Santos did bring some confederates along we would have to keep them from getting to the house and to Jeremy.

It felt good to have a purpose, even if it might mean killing someone. The scent of death still lingering in my nose, and the anger it raised, gave me the strength to deal with that possible outcome. I finished my breakfast, and two cups of coffee besides and went to get geared up properly.

The irony (was it irony?) of me sitting on that same stone porch waiting for Santos as I had while waiting for Clay to find Jeremy was not lost on me. In fact I felt a little queasy wondering if this place might be my beginning and end in this world of wolves. Clay and I were only two, strong, yes, but certainly not an overwhelming force if Santos showed up with a car full of Mutts, or had more hidden in the woods. The one thing about Mutts that gave us any hope of an edge was that they generally didn't have the training or skills of the Pack, who made it a point to look after their members; bitten or born. The truth was, most bitten werewolves didn't last very long, partially because they didn't survive their first change, partially because the wolves who had changed them rarely took charge of protecting them and ensuring they could protect themselves. There were things called Mutt hunts, I'd read about them, when Pack members were charged with destroying those who had been created; normally because they had broken Pack laws, laws that they weren't even truly aware of. There was very little flexibility with such things; a fact I had come to know all too acutely.

We were never really at ease sitting out there, Clay and I. But our backs got a little straighter and our muscles just a little more coiled when we heard the car turn onto the graveled drive. Standing, we greeted the black sedan with narrowed eyes. It was a relatively modest rental; I had expected something seriously more ostentatious for Santos. As expected he wasn't alone. The person with Daniel wasn't known to me, but Clay seemed familiar with him. The door to the house opened behind us and I became aware of Antonio. Both men approached us, but only one was offered an invitation.

"Santos. Jeremy is waiting inside."

Clay straight-armed the second man.

"Not you Marsten. You can just wait by the car."

Karl Marsten was a man of thin build, certainly thinner than Clay, and narrower of shoulder than Jeremy and Antonio, almost gangly, (at least it seemed he could have been as a child). When he spoke he had some kind of accent, but in truth I couldn't place it, I really wasn't all too familiar with such things. It could have been English? Perhaps it was just the fact that he enunciated his words so very precisely that his speech stood out.

"Now Clayton." He began.

"By the car Marsten, where I can see you at all times." Clay's voice by comparison, had no inflection whatsoever, just raw power and anger. Clay was wound like a spring, ready to loose that energy at the slightest provocation. It seemed that Marsten understood. Santos looked a little grey at the idea of losing his wingman, but there was little he could do about it. A summons from the Alpha was a summons, and those were ignored at one's own peril. His shoulders just a little less set than when he had emerged from the a car he mounted the steps, Clay and I parting for him, just far enough that we hadn't needed to touch him, but close enough to harm him. Antonio took him inside and Clay and I stood our ground, now waiting.

"So this must be Elena Michaels."

I suppressed a little shudder as I realized that this man I had never met, knew who I was.

"A real pleasure to meet you my dear." He held out his hand to me.

I said nothing, Clay growled a little under his breath, but both of us heard it anyways.

"You don't speak for yourself my dear?"

"I am not your dear." My voice was low. From the corner of my eye I could see the smirk on Clay's face.

"I see. Learning from Clayton then." He shrugged his shoulders, and returned to the car, leaning himself against the hood, keeping his eyes as trained on us as ours were on him.

We stayed like that for a long time. I wasn't aware of any other noises around us, not from the forest, not from the house. So it seemed that Santos hadn't come with a posse of his own, and that Jeremy hadn't felt the need to kill him just then.

Marsten had let his eyes drift away from us, likely having judged for himself that Clay and I were no immediate threat to his wellbeing. He was fumbling in his jacket pocket, drawing out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He lit one up and took a long drag on it, blowing the smoke into the air in a thin stream. I registered the scent of the tobacco just in case. Faint voices from inside the house became louder as Antonio opened the door behind us again, escorting Daniel Santos back out of the house. Santos seemed a little bit surer of himself than he had on entry, but that was likely a foolish estimation on his part. Though of course he wasn't dead, so he had something to be proud of. He looked me up and down before he descended the steps with a leer that made me feel queasy once again, but I curled my lips into a snarl that made his lip twitch. He returned to Marsten, who flicked his cigarette butt onto the gravel, grinding it with his shoe. Both men were practiced enough to avoid communicating with each other until they were safely within their car and turned around, heading towards the road. Clay followed them out, just to ensure that they both left, and jogged back to me once he was satisfied.

"You had both better come inside, Jeremy will be wanting to talk to you." Antonio relayed to us, and so we did.


	6. Chapter 6

Part 6

I wanted to throw open every window in the house, it stank of Santos and that made me think of that poor girl, and by association, Pete. I tried to take shallow breaths and to stay close to the door. Nick came to stand beside me, giving me a little bump with his shoulder though he said nothing. Something was up, something related to me and it wasn't hard to sort out what that was. I grit my teeth against that now well settled nausea in my gut. Jeremy was standing at his cold fireplace again, hand on the mantle, but this time turned to see us enter.

"He denied any involvement in bringing Mutts to Bear Valley, as I suspected he would. Though he did not deny that he'd been at the site where the woman was found. Well after her death he tried to assure me."

"And Marsten?" Clay was still wound tight, ready for the order to go after that car and drag both men out.

"Santos claims to be looking at some real estate, and brought Karl out to get his opinion."

"Couldn't come up with anything more believable than that?"

"Well, if he was to establish a business interest here it would give him an excuse to stay in our orbit, and keep watch on us."

"You mean keep watch on Elena." Nick whispered. My blood ran cold.

Jeremy nodded.

"It's no secret he wants you Elena. And no secret that he wants to be Alpha. If he could have you at his side he might be able to convince others that he deserved it."

"I would slit my own wrists first." I assured all assembled.

"Oh Darlin' I'd have him in pieces before he got close to you." Clay was still ready to jump to my defense.

"No one will move against him without my order." Jeremy continued to keep his voice even.

"Are we just going to wait for him to kill another one of us, or drag the local police onto the property by dumping bodies here?"

"He wants to destroy us Clay. We will not give him an opportunity, nor will we destroy him before we know if he has any confederates who would also move against us. Unless we catch him contravening the Pack Laws." Jeremy let a little smile curve the right side of his mouth. We all knew that breaking Pack law opened a carte blanche for the Alpha. And that Jeremy had no compunction about issuing those orders.

"So that's what we need to do then." Clay was anxious for a direction to take.

"Agreed, but no one moves on their own, and no one leaves Stonehaven on their own. I will not lose another family member. You and Nick go into town and find out where he's staying, then we'll set up surveillance."

"I should go," I piped up, "I'm the best tracker you have."

"No Elena, I will not put you at risk. Once we know where he is then we have the upper hand to surveil him, and not the other way around. Till then, you stay here with Antonio and myself."

I wasn't pleased, but I wasn't arguing about it. Besides, it only took Nick and Clay a couple of hours to find Santos and Marsten. Bear Valley didn't have a lot of motels. They reported back by phone, choosing to watch comings and goings for a few hours from a café across the street.

Instead of pacing back and forth like a caged tiger; which wasn't a wholly inaccurate description of myself just then, I went back to my room, somehow exhausted even though I hadn't done much of anything except wait, tensed, for trouble that hadn't come. I could hear Jeremy and Antonio on the first floor, talking, but I couldn't make out what they were saying specifically. And I found I didn't want to know what it was. I lay down on my bed and fell asleep.

I woke to the gentle call of my name and a warm hand on my back.

"Elena?"

I smiled at the sound of it, momentarily lost in the laziness of sleep and the blissful amnesia it brings. I rolled over to see the man who had woken me, opening my eyes slowly.

"I'm sorry Elena, I knocked at the door but you didn't answer. I was worried."

I reached up to touch Jeremy's cheek, cupping my hand under his chin, pulling his face towards mine.

"Kiss me." I whispered. I took his mouth gratefully, sinking into the arms that enfolded me.

"You forgive me?" He whispered as he pulled back, looking into my eyes. It had been too long since I had gazed into such tenderness from him. Since I had returned his eyes had been hard, they were girded against his heart; as much as he was able when thinking about Pete. Only that brief moment in his office had shown me the true depths of his passions, and that had been just as quickly hidden away, away from me, away from the others.

"There is nothing to forgive Jeremy." I whispered. I had made that decision days ago.

He stroked my cheek, his eyes wide, pupils blown, the rims glistening. The upturned corners of his mouth, the turn of his head spoke so much more than words. I watched him breathe through parted lips.

"I wish." He said, not finishing the sentence, leaving me more than wanting. "Nick is back, Antonio is going out to meet Clay and Logan will be here in the morning. I need you to come down so we can decide what to do next, as a Pack."

I nodded and let him take my hand to help me up of the bed.

There were no very firm plans, only having someone keep eyes on the motel, taking shifts, watching the two men as they came and went. Trying to get an idea of where they had stashed the mutts in their employ. It was a time consuming and tedious plan to say the least, but the best we could come up with. I was going to go out in the morning with Nick, to relieve Clay. Logan was going to have a look around the town; play tourist as it were, trying to scent out unfamiliar wolves who would have had to have been associated with Santos. We talked over the cell to Clay and Antonio, and Logan was messaged. Jeremy had calls in to some lawyers; discrete ones, about what type of space might be for sale or rent that might fit the bill Santos would be looking for, for whatever his purposes. Once that list had been established then we could do a better search for any traces. It was more inactivity than we were happy with, but it was the sensible thing. Having little else to do, and not being particularly disposed to picking up another of the tomes I had been studying before all this had come crashing down around me, I went to the kitchen. I could always count on feeling hungry, especially in this house; it was like a different world, Stonehaven, and without stating the obvious, I was a different person here.

Jeremy followed me.

I felt his hand snake around my waist. I melted backwards into him. There was such comfort being in his arms. I felt cool lips press against the back of my neck.

"Nick's still in the house." I whispered, not really caring that he was.

"I know." He kissed me again. "I shouldn't."

Neither should I, I knew that, somewhere in my mind, I shouldn't encourage this, should keep myself away from both Jeremy and Clay, till I could make a choice. And that thought made me feel selfish and petty. How could I even assume that either of them would even want me if they knew the truth of what was in my heart? And how could I hurt either of them?

"I won't let anyone hurt you Elena." He whispered in my ear. "I would die before I would let that happen."

I turned in his arms slowly, wanting to look into his face.

"No Jeremy. Don't say that. You can't die. None of us would let you die. You are too important. More important than me."

Again I felt his fingers stroke down the side of my face.

"You know all I want to do right now is make love to you."

I nodded. He kissed me on the mouth very softly.

"But." He continued.

"But." I repeated.

"I have a great deal of work still to do tonight and I cannot ask you to wait for me."

I wanted him to ask, I wanted to wait, but all I did was nod again. He was making the decision that I couldn't, even if he didn't realize it.

"I will see you before you go out in the morning." He kissed my forehead, his hands resting against my shoulders as he did.

I wanted to argue with him, but didn't.

Sleep took much longer to come that night.

A week, then a second passed with our rotating vigil. Bear Valley seemed quite peaceful; and by that I meant to say that there had been no further murders, or inquiries from the sheriff up at Stonehaven. Of course there were still belligerent drunks and stoned kids outside the bars and underground parties respectively. Not that we let our guards down despite that relative calm. Nick and I were on our turn on Santos, walking by the stream that wound its way through the town. Santos and Marsten were in a local lawyer's office. They'd been there for about fifteen minutes, and if I had any knowledge of lawyers, they'd be in there for an hour at least. I'd run out of things to say to Nick, and questions to ask him by then, and he, the same of me. So we walked in silence, and I listened and scanned the air around us for anything. A wisp of something familiar came to me and I turned my head around to see 'him', coming towards us. I grabbed Nick by the shoulders and spun him around.

"Kiss me." I said, as I pulled his mouth to mine.

To give him credit, astonished, as he must have been, he got focused really quickly, and Nick was an amazing kisser. It was a little hard not to get caught up in his mouth and the way he used his tongue. Wow. I held him there till the man passed, obviously averting his gaze from us, as uncomfortable as PDA's made most folks. I still got a good look at him though.

"Well." Nick exhaled as I let him go, "that was unexpected. Not that I'm complaining." His grin was mischievous. I wanted to smile back, but I felt a little frozen.

"That man." I whispered, "that man who just passed us, he's the one who killed Pete."

Nick's eyes went wide and his head snapped around.

"We have to follow him." He hissed.

Keeping a safe distance, not wanting to provoke a conflict with the mutt, we followed, and were quite surprised to see him lead us back to the motel, and to take a room on the upper level, right beside Marsten's. I texted Jeremy to find out what he wanted us to do. And as much as I didn't want to leave this killer alone, and alive, we were called home and we went.

Jeremy's plan did not suit me, nor did it suit Clay or Nick, or Logan, and we all raised a vocal opposition. I did not want to think of myself as a violent person, or one driven by the need for retribution; but this was different, and I was quite in support of taking the man prisoner and having Clay torture him until he revealed any and all connections to Daniel Santos. As opposed to the other way around: catching him with Daniel, proving their connection so that Jeremy could bring the force of the Alpha Council down upon him. I didn't like arguing with Jeremy and I knew it wouldn't get me anywhere but my emotions were spiking and I stormed up to my room, powered by righteous indignation, flinging myself onto my bed, rolling over and counting just how long we'd been doing nothing but watching. Then I started counting another measure of days. And when I got past twenty-one, to thirty-one, to forty-one I started to feel queasy again.

Swearing under my breath I grabbed up my bag and headed downstairs for the kitchen where we kept the car keys. My intention had been to grab a set for one of the trucks and run into town before anyone knew I was gone. My intention. Clay was two steps behind me when I tore out the back door.

"Where are you going Elena?"

"I just have to run into town to pick something up."

"You aren't supposed to go anywhere alone."

"I'm not going to confront Santos, or this mutt, I just have to go to the drug store."

"For what?"

"Women things."

"Fine, I'll come with you then." He grabbed the keys out of my hand and swung himself into the driver's seat. I wasn't happy about the situation, but I got in beside him and buckled up.

Clay pulled into the first store we found that was open. I tried to leave him behind but he followed me.

"I'll be right back."

"Oh hell no, you are not going alone."

"You do not have to watch me buy tampons Clay!" I was getting anxious, and it came out as anger.

"I will wait at the end of the aisle then." And he did, arms crossed as I packed a basket with everything I needed, the smallest box at the very bottom, disguised by everything I hoped would make Clay uncomfortable. The cashier tucked everything into a paper bag; sparing a glance at Clay and a little smile. I had forgotten how much attention he had always gotten when we'd gone out together. At least it kept his eyes off of my purchases, and I felt a little more secure getting back into the truck to head for home.

My hands were shaking as I locked myself in the bathroom. Tearing open the box, reading the instructions, unwrapping the little sticks, doing what I had to do and waiting. But I knew what the answer was going to be, even as I watched the little window turn from clear to an obvious pink plus sign. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't do it there, it had to be some place where I could hide out for the rest of the night, maybe for the day after that too, as I tried to figure out what I was going to do. I stuffed all the remnants of the test back into the paper bag, intending to bury it in the garbage at the first opportunity.

Clay was waiting in the hall, leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest.

"So, are you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?" I wiped the moisture away from my eyes and tried to compose myself, moving around him to my room.

"I'm not an idiot Elena."

"I just want to go to sleep Clay."

"Do you want to do this in the hallway?"

"I don't know what you are talking about Clay." I ducked into my room and tried to close the door, but he straight-armed it open.

"I can only guess the test was positive."

"Damn it Clay!" I let him follow me into my room; it was he who closed the door.

"This can't be happening Clay." I collapsed on my bed, still fighting the tears. "I don't know what to do." His arrogance melted away into concern as he sat beside me, holding me as I trembled, kissing my forehead very softly.

"We need to go and see Jeremy."

"Yeah, we do."

"Antonio?" Clay had gone before me, into Jeremy's study. I waited in the hallway, keeping my head down in case anyone else came by. "Can we have a moment alone please?"

I could imagine Jeremy's curt nod, dismissing Antonio, not in an authoritarian way, but with all the respect that was due his second. I slipped in as he left, sitting myself into one of the wing chairs while Clay assured our privacy.

"What is it? I don't want to debate my orders any longer."

"It isn't about that Jeremy." I could feel Clay coming to stand behind me. I was ashamed of how my voice wavered.

"Then what is it?" At least Jeremy's voice was still compassionate; I don't think I could have managed it if he'd been angry with me.

"Something's happened."

"What is it?"

"Jeremy, I'm so sorry, there couldn't be a worse time for this."

"Elena, you're scaring me, what is going on?"

"Jeremy, I'm pregnant." Saying it out loud was the hardest thing I can recall doing, the words stuck in my throat and came out more like a croak than a voice.

"What?"

"You're going to be a father Jeremy."

I went stock-still; hoping that the shock I felt in my core didn't translate through to my face.

"What?" he looked from my face to Clay's then back to mine.

"I'm pregnant." It wasn't much easier to say it the second time.

"I'm?" He crossed the room to me and dropped to his knees. I heard Clay leave. I couldn't believe what he'd done to me, the hole he had dropped me into. But the wonder in Jeremy's face as he looked at me meant I didn't dare make the correction I should have.

"A father?"

I burst into tears.

"Jeremy, I don't know what to do."

Before I knew it he had pulled me into his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around me, pulling me to the floor with him. His chest rolled against mine, I didn't know whether he was laughing or crying but I clutched onto him, sobbing as he cooed at me, rubbing my back.

"We'll figure it out Elena. I promise, we'll figure it out."

I pulled back from him, the smile on his face was enchanting, and reassuring, he was happy, fully, totally invested, happy.

"What is happening Jeremy? What happens if I change? Will it hurt the baby? Will it be born able to change too? What do I do?"

"We'll figure it out together Elena, I promise you."

"Has this ever happened before Jeremy?"

"It must have, all these wolf dynasties, somewhere it has happened before. We will check the histories, but for now, maybe you shouldn't change, just in case."

I nodded; I needed him to be sensible.

"And Elena, no one outside this house can know. I can't even imagine what kind of a target you would be if someone like Santos knew."

I nodded again.

"I'll stay here, unless you need me out there, to track."

"And only if I am by your side, and Clay as well. This is an amazing thing Elena, something wondrous, and we will all protect you."

"I know Jeremy, I know."

We must have looked a sight, curled together on the floor, staring at each other, both of us a bit of a mess. I told him as much, that I must look a fright.

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."

"You're just saying that because I'm pregnant." I laughed at him. It was easier to say that time.

"I am saying it because it is the truth." He combed his fingers through my hair, cupping the back of my head, pulling me forward to him, kissing me as deeply as he ever had, making my insides quiver, making me feel safe.

"Can you take me upstairs Jeremy? I just want to lie down."

"Of course. Let me help you."

I took his hand again and he kept it within his as we went upstairs. Clay was nowhere to be seen, and that was for the best I thought.

"Do you want to go to your room, or to mine?"

"I need to be with you tonight Jeremy."

"I'm glad." He brought our joined hands to his mouth and kissed my fingers.

I didn't know what I was doing, I can't even say that I was acting on instinct, I had no instinct about what it meant to be pregnant, to be pregnant with a wolf, potentially, a girl, a boy, I couldn't even think about having some type of ultrasound for fear of what it might show. My mind ran on and on. I just knew that being alone was not an option I should consider, and running to Clay, an even worse one. I heard the door close behind us and realized that I was back, not quite where it had started, but in a place of such possibilities, the first time I had been there. I wanted those feelings back.

Jeremy turned away from me for a moment.

"I'll find you a shirt to sleep in."

When I reached out to turn him back to me I had already discarded my top, I pulled him in for a kiss, and began to work at the buttons on his shirt slowly, as slowly as our mouths ground together and his hands roamed over my naked back. His shirt was likewise dropped to the floor. With a few steps he had me backed up to the bed where he crawled over me as I laid backwards. His mouth barely left mine. I felt absolutely cherished by him as he slipped me out of my pants, hands brushing over my skin, lingering where I was most sensitive. The press of his body atop mine, the subtle grinding of his hips against me stole my breath. Everything about him was gentle. The tears that had so recently filled my eyes out of fear turned to something far more tender. I knew what he wanted but he turned his attentions to me only, it was easy to get lost, but I wanted more.

"Please Jeremy." I gasped.

"I can't take the chance of hurting you." His hands drifted to my belly, a wistful look covering his face.

"You won't."

I slung my leg over his and pulled myself to sitting atop his hips. I took him in my hands, guiding him to my pleasures, and hopefully his own. His low moan told me that I had done just that. We rocked together, building, our contact drawing out a slow progression towards bliss until he forced himself deeply within me, holding me still as he released. They he pulled me into his arms, my head resting on his chest, feeling its rise and fall. His hand came again to rest on my belly as he murmured.

"A baby."

Jeremy told the others at breakfast, I couldn't be there, and he understood my reticence; at least most of it. I'd woken up in his arms, ever present nausea, but I knew that it wasn't the baby then, oh no, it was my guilt at deceiving such a decent man who I kept asserting that I loved. I showered, by myself, noticing an odd urge to continue rubbing my hands over my abdomen, and that contact actually making me a little bit happy. I was a mixed up ball of conflicting emotions, with one in particular driving my search after I dressed. Clay.

He was in his room; I knew he would be, waiting for me. I didn't even bother to knock, just opened the door and went in. Clay was sitting on the edge of his bed, looking out his window, a pose I had seen myself in one too many times.

"Clay?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you do that last night? Why would you tell Jeremy that he was the father when you know darned well that, that," I stuttered, "There's a chance the baby could be yours Clay."

He shook his head.

"Your baby will be raised in the Pack Elena. Jeremy is the Alpha, no matter what, this baby is his."

"No Clay, no, that isn't right."

"It's the way that it has to be Elena. I'm going back to Toronto as soon as this matter with Santos is finished. They've asked me back for the semester, and as soon as Jeremy gives me leave I'm going to go."

"Damn you Clay."

His head sunk into his hands, the picture of misery.

"Yes, damn me."


	7. Chapter 7

Part 7

I started with the oldest books Jeremy had; copies of even older books that spoke about whatever history was known of the wolves. It was tedious, probably because of my anxiety. I couldn't skim because I was afraid of missing some slight allusion to another female werewolf, and any mention of pregnancies. Sadly, all I could find were the laws about what happened when a wolf impregnated a human woman, and how ties had to be severed; and examples of what happened to those poor women when they weren't. The thing about the wolves seemed to be that they documented laws and lineage, but little in the ways of myths and stories; those teaching stories that all cultures seemed to have to impart lessons and morals. But of course the wolves were still human. I was postulating like Clay would have, anthropologist at heart. He would have been a better researcher than I. He knew the hints to look for in language and tradition. But I couldn't ask him to help. In truth I didn't think he was even at the house. I knew he wanted to be as far away from me, and from the reminder that looking at me brought, as he could be. There had been whisperings in the study about an industrial building. It felt as if they wanted to keep this information from me all of a sudden, not that I was surprised. I knew that they had my safety at heart, even if it bothered me. I opened the next book and started at page one.

Footsteps on the cellar steps pulled me away at page ten, I was happy for the distraction whatever it was. It turned out to be Antonio, with a tray. He smiled a little sheepishly at me.

"Nick's mom used to say that lemon tea with ginger and shortbread cookies would settle her stomach when she was first pregnant. I just thought." He put the tray down on the table where I had the latest book laid out. The scent of the lemon filled the room.

"Thanks Antonio." I tried to return his smile with a little one of my own, but it felt a little resigned. I took the mug of tea and watched the steam curl upwards.

"Was it hard for her? Being pregnant with a wolf?" I asked.

"No more so than normal I think. I mean, neither of us had any experience with the whole pregnancy thing. We were pretty young."

"But she was well for the most part?"

"She was, and pretty happy about it as I recall."

"You really loved her didn't you?"

"Yeah." He nodded, a sad, pursed smile on his face. "I did. I still don't know if I can ever forgive myself for taking Nick away from her."

"You saved her life by doing that."

"At least Jeremy won't have to make that decision, taking a child away from its parent."

That one hit me square in the chest. My hand began to tremble around the mug. Antonio reached for it, to steady me.

"You're scared."

I nodded.

"Of being pregnant? Of the Pack? Of Jeremy?"

"Of everything Antonio."

"Jeremy will never hurt you. He loves you Elena. And you have no idea how much he loves this baby already."

"But what if something goes wrong Antonio? What if something happens to the baby, what if I can't even carry it, what if it changes inside me, or I change and hurt it?"

"I don't think any of those things are going to happen Elena. It's normal to be nervous, especially this early on."

"I don't want to hurt Jeremy."

That hung between us for a while.

"There's a story, a name. I don't know much about it, wolves aren't much for cultural references as you might have discovered." Antonio gestured around at all the books, maps and scrolls around me.

"Her name was Judith."

For the first time in days I felt a small spark of hope flicker in my chest.

"Another female werewolf?"

"So it was said. At least that is what my father related to me when I came of age."

"What happened to her?"

"The story I have isn't very complete. Apparently she had four children, sons, who grew to be leaders amongst the families. It was said that they were natural born leaders and that they killed their rivals and consolidated the families, becoming the first Alpha Council."

"Did your father tell you anything about her? If she survived the birth, if she could change while pregnant? Anything?"

He shook his head.

"My father's lesson was about family, about power, he traced our line to one of those brothers. I'm sorry."

"At least it's a place to start looking. I have a name now, which is more than I had before. Do you think Jeremy knows anything?"

"I doubt it, his father was not a particularly forthcoming man. You know about Malcolm?"

"Not a great deal." I confessed.

"Well, those stories aren't really mine to tell, but I can say that he saw Jeremy as a rival more than a son, and treated him like one."

I knew that Jeremy rarely spoke his father's name, and certainly didn't talk about the man except to say that he had bested him to become Alpha. It was understood in the house that the subject was off limits. As I had explained to Jeremy before, his past, like my past meant nothing but a means to becoming the people we had become. And, as he had respected me enough not to ask about mine, I had returned the same courtesy. That little fire in my chest had been kindled though, and I wanted to get back to the books, now looking for that one name.

Judith.

Logan and Clay returned from one of their patrols with news; the first we had had in days. They'd found the industrial property with an address that was on the list the lawyer had supplied; with Santos' car out front. They'd waited till he had departed; in the company of the Mutt I had identified earlier, and they'd found their way in through a rooftop skylight. They'd taken pictures on their phones. It was an easier way to explain what they'd found. We huddled around the small screen as Logan scrolled through the scene. For the most part it looked like just what it was; an abandoned building, a few scattered pieces of outdated machinery, things that hadn't been worth the cost to take with, or salvage it seemed. It was the cage that made me tremble. It looked similar to the one Jeremy had in the cellar; the one where I had been kept after Clay had bitten me. But this one was even more sinister; shackles from a top crossbar, and a set on the floor, a collar for the neck and nothing else. Whoever was to be, or had been placed in this cage had been put there to be restrained, either as a human, or as a wolf, likely as both. There were bloodstains on the floor; confirmed by Clay as both human and wolf. The floor was littered with empty water bottles and fast food cast offs. A few steel folding chairs fronted the cage; which seemed rather centrally placed. So someone had been watching the process, whatever it had been.

The building itself was miles out of town, (not unlike Stonehaven) so whatever screams there had been, and there would have been screams, wouldn't have been heard by anyone. There was no way of knowing how many Mutts had been turned there, or how many more Santos' proposed to turn. And that was frightening. Santos had a safe house where he could create an army; either of Beserkers to let loose on Bear Valley, or wherever else he wanted, or of experienced killers who would do his bidding. In either case, that bidding would be a move against Jeremy. Either the Sheriff would come calling, or the Alpha Council, or both.

"We have to stop him." I whispered.

"Burning the place to the ground would be a good start." Clay muttered. Jeremy actually seemed to be considering it. I was ready to toss on the match myself.

"I still want to get into those motel rooms, just for some sort of proof that we can present to the council should they come."

"I can get you that time." I said very quietly. Even at that level all the heads turned to look at me.

"How?" Jeremy answered; Clay wasn't talking to me directly just then, deferring everything, at least in public, to his Alpha.

"Give me your phone." I held out my hand, waiting to see if he trusted me enough. He hesitated, then reached behind himself to his desk and picked up the gunmetal grey case, thumbing in the passcode.

I took it, scrolled through his contact list and found the name I needed. I dialed.

"Hello?" The voice on the other end of the line carried the same accent I remembered from out on the porch.

"Hello Mr. Marsten." I kept my voice even, and stepped back as both Clay and Nick reached out for it.

"Well this certainly isn't Jeremy."

"It's Elena, I borrowed Jeremy's phone."

"Borrowed?" I could almost hear his eyebrows rising in disbelief.

"Borrowed." I reiterated. I heard him chuckle.

"What can I do for you Miss Michaels?"

"I wonder if we could talk Mr. Marsten?"

"About what?"

"I would prefer not to say over the phone. Could I come and meet you at your hotel?"

"I don't know that this place deserves the moniker of 'Hotel' Miss Michaels. But I must ask the question, how is it you know where I'm staying?"

"Let's not presume each other to be stupid."

"Fine."

"But I don't want to take the chance of running into your friends, Santos and the Mutt who has the room next to yours."

"You really are quite the surprise Miss Michaels."

"Can you get them both away from the hotel in about an hour?"

"I will admit to being intrigued, I can send them off somewhere."

"Then I will see you in an hour. But if I so much as catch a whiff of one of them I'm going to leave."

"Fair enough, an hour then?"

"An hour."

I disconnected the call and handed the phone back to Jeremy.

"You are not going to meet that bastard." I saw Clay reach for me out of the corner of my eye. I kept my gaze on Jeremy.

"I don't like this Elena." He said to me.

"I won't stay at the hotel, I'll take him over to the park on the main street. You can send someone there, to watch over me if you like, but it'll buy you the time to search those rooms and get what you need."

"The plan is sound." Antonio offered.

"I will not use you as bait Elena." Jeremy announced.

"I won't be bait, just a distraction. You know this can work Jeremy. Let me do this. Let me do this for Pete."

"If he touches you." Jeremy began to say.

"I will take off his hand."

That made Jeremy smile, though I doubt it did anything to comfort Clay; but of course he hadn't seen me training over the last ten months. Jeremy knew what I was capable of.

"Nick, you go to that park, wait for her. The rest of us will go to the hotel, we'll be able to search it quickly and get out. I am going to text you the minute we are clear Elena."

"Okay. I'm going to take the Jeep, top off, sides off, you'll be able to see both of us the whole time."

"Give me a ten minute head start." Nick asked, already heading out towards the kitchen where he kept the keys to his car.

Clay followed me to the garage. I hadn't expected anything less. I didn't want to look back at him, I wanted to drive off and do what I needed to you, but he reached out for me, and spoke my name so softly, so differently than in Jeremy's study.

"Elena, please?"

I turned back to him.

"Clay?"

"Please don't do this. If he hurts you."

"He won't hurt me Clay."

"You don't know Marsten, you don't know what he's capable of."

"And you don't know what I am capable of either. I have been training, with Nick, with Logan, even with Jeremy. I can take care of myself, and Jeremy trusts me to do that, you should too."

His grip on my arm was tender, and so was the kiss he pulled me into; not the frenzied, frenetic passions I was used to, it was something so sad that tears came to my eyes as well as his.

"I'll be back in a few hours." I whispered as he held me to his chest.

"You had better be darlin' because I don't think I could live in a world without you."

I knew the others would be only a few minutes behind me, not so close that we all pulled into the hotel parking lot one after the other of course, but I circled main street a few times, familiarizing myself with the park I intended to use for my conversation. Only when I was comfortable that the others had taken up their positions did I pull into the parking lot. I waited outside the car for a moment, testing the air, looking at the room doors and windows for any hint of movement. The only thing that I saw was in the middle room, Marsten's room, the sway of a curtain. Taking the steps slowly I went to knock on his door. He opened it with a smile, a cat that ate the canary smile. But I could discern no noise from either of the adjacent rooms, and his was empty, save for himself.

"Good afternoon dear, would you like to come in?"

"I don't think I feel comfortable in such a small space."

"The others are gone, just as I said they would be. They've gone out for ice cream."

"Well unless that Mutt has a predilection for that sort of thing, I will take that as a euphemism."

"Well, he has his fetishes."

That statement didn't make me feel much better.

"I've brought the Jeep, let's just go into town, some place open, safer for the both of us, don't you agree?"

"You have a certain logic."

"And not a lot of time to waste before someone comes after me, could we go?"

"Lead the way Miss Michaels."

We found a table; one of the ones set up for chess, with the painted squares on it, on the eastern edge of the park, near a copse of trees. I knew that Nick would use it as cover, and the smell of the foliage and the freshly spread cedar mulch over the flowerbeds would help to conceal him. I sat facing the trees while Marsten sat with his back to them.

"Now, what can I help you with Miss Michaels?"

"I want to know who this Mutt of yours is."

"Make no mistake, I'm not his sire."

"Then Daniel is?"

"You'll excuse me for not answering that I hope."

"He's a killer, you know that don't you?"

"I have chosen not to ask those types of questions. Though it would not surprise me. He is an odd fellow."

"Why would you ally yourself with someone like Santos?"

"A matter of self preservation my dear. I prefer to come down on the winning side."

"Then you should be with Jeremy."

"That is a matter of opinion. One, which I will reserve for the time being."

"You really don't commit to anything do you Mr. Marsten?"

"Not unless forced to."

I had to laugh.

"Your family is one of the older ones, isn't it?"

"You've been reading your history."

"Trying. Tell, me, I came across the name of another female werewolf in those studies, Judith. Do you know anything about her?"

"A myth."

"Can you tell it to me?"

"If you wish to hear such things my dear." He grinned at me and I wondered if somehow I had blundered into showing my hand. But he continued without glancing at my belly.

"It was said that Judith was a female werewolf who became pregnant with four sons. No mention was ever made of the father; I believe that was to imply that he was somehow divine; a pretty typical archetype in mythology. Your Clayton should be able to verify that. It was said that she bore her children in human form, but fed them as a wolf, so that she could suckle all four at once and give them the strength of the lupine nature. They grew strong, and venerated her as they began the dynasties of our race; by killing off their rivals. If memory serves, they were called Kristopher, Korbin, Hyatt and Ian; the south, the north, the east and the west, and so they divided the earth amongst themselves. Though I could be wrong about the names, stories were never my forte, unlike your Clayton. I may be mixing up my mythology."

"But what happened to Judith?"

My phone in my pocket began to vibrate, clearly audible to both of us.

"Perhaps you should answer that?"

I dug into my pocket for it, but didn't look at the screen.

"Judith? Was anything else said about her?"

"Only that she lived into old age, visiting her children in turn, keeping her family ties strong."

The phone vibrated again. I cursed and looked at it.

'Coming to get you.' It read.

"It seems they've noticed that I'm gone." I told Marsten.

"Then I will take my leave of you."

"Do you want me to drive you?" I didn't want this conversation to end, I wanted to hear more, wanted to hear him slip up about some other female werewolf, but it wasn't to be. I had run out of time.

"No, it is a lovely day for a walk, and I wouldn't want anyone to come upon us together." He stood, and I felt compelled to offer him a thank you.

"For what it's worth my dear, I hope that whatever the winning side is, that you are on it."


	8. Chapter 8

Part 8

Jeremy himself came striding across the park. I stood, going to meet him. He took hold of my shoulder in a manner that looked rough, but truly wasn't. He was doing it in case Marsten was watching us, which he likely was. We knew Jeremy needed to keep up the pretense of me having left without his permission. It might make Marsten more apt to talk to me again; that was if he didn't realize that his room, along with those of his compatriots, had been compromised.

Jeremy said nothing, but dragged me (sort of) towards the Jeep. He held his hands out for the keys and I surrendered them to him. He said nothing until we were well out of town, away from any possible spies, Clay, driving his truck right behind us.

"Thank you." He said over the sound of the pavement beneath the tires.

"You found something?" As much as my conversation with Marsten had been for person gain, I wanted something to have come out of the search as well.

"We did."

He pulled into the garage at Stonehaven, letting the door close behind us completely before he got out of the driver's seat and came around to offer me a hand to climb out as well.

"He didn't hurt you, did he?" I could feel the tension in the hand that held mine.

"No."

"Thank God."

He pulled me into his arms and kissed me. I felt his hands slip to my waist, holding me close to him, not that I would have pulled away. We took advantage of those few moments of peace and quiet.

"You promise that you are okay Elena?"

"I promise."

"Then we have some things to tell everyone; Clay and Nick should be back in the house by now."

It seemed that we had assembled far too many times recently in Jeremy's study, our places were carved out; whether it was a chair, a window ledge, or a wall. Too many unhappy conversations of late, too many half-truths, and I knew this conversation was likely to be just as hard as the others. What was just a little out of place was a large white book laid open on Jeremy's desk, with Logan beside it, typing furiously on the laptop.

"What did you find?" I asked.

"I'm not sure you want to see it Elena." Jeremy's voice was soft, concerned.

"Why not?"

"We found Pete's ring." Clay pulled a scrap of fabric from his pocket, a purloined washcloth, which he peeled open to show me the signet ring, the bloody signet ring that I had always remembered being on Pete's right hand. I drew in a slow breath.

"We found something else." Clay told me.

"What?"

"A scrapbook."

"A scrapbook?" I couldn't help but shiver because I knew what that likely meant. It was obviously the book that Logan was looking over.

"And I recognized some of the clippings that were inside." He told me as he turned the laptop around so we could all see the screen.

"Is this the man you and Nick saw?"

It was he; dark rimmed glasses, close cropped hair, black, fixed eyes, short-sleeved shirt.

"Who is he?"

"His name is Thomas Leblanc."

"He's a serial killer, isn't he?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Santos turned a serial killer into a Mutt?" Clay was beside himself with rage. I noticed he was still clutching Pete's ring, the gold likely cutting into his palm. Logan continued his story.

"The clippings seem to be from crimes he's been convicted of."

"But if he's been convicted, how did Santos get to him?" Clay was asking the questions we all had.

"He escaped from a prison transport, on his way to hospital to have an MRI. Some kind of research project."

"Damn it!" I felt my own teeth clench.

"Santos helped a murderer escape and then turned him into a follower?"

"From what I read here, this man isn't the type to follow so easily." Logan told us.

"So he may have his own agenda then?" That thought scared me.

"Whatever the agenda, we have to take him out." Clay was ready.

"I agree." Jeremy's voice was soft but powerful. They were the words we had all wanted to hear but hadn't expected.

"Good." Clay was back on his feet, shoving Pete's ring back into his pocket. "Let's go."

"It isn't that simple Clay."

"It never is, is it Jeremy? He's a Mutt, the Pack has every right to take him out."

"I don't want to do it in front of Daniel. We need to strip away this sense of power he is building up for himself, take away his soldiers, his backup, his comfort zone so that he makes a mistake, one we can capitalize on."

"So this Leblanc has to vanish then?"

"Not quite vanish, Santos has to know he's dead, has to understand why, and who."

"I'd be happy to leave his head in a box on Santos' doorstop." Clay's voice was very nearly a snarl.

"And that may be an option Clay, though perhaps not out in the open, where the police could get involved."

We all nodded.

"We need to get him away from that room, on his own. And I think this book may be the key to doing that." Jeremy patted the scrapbook. "We just have to let him know we have it. He'll want it back I imagine, and he'll be willing to meet someone for it."

It was a sound plan.

I didn't like it.

By now the man was most certainly unhinged, he'd have noticed his souvenirs were gone; whether he admitted this intrusion to Santos or not was something we couldn't be certain of. We were going to gamble that this part of his life was private, that Leblanc would have kept that part of his obscene predilections to himself. A few torn out pages in an envelope slipped under his door by the maid (charmed by Nick of course), with a place and time, (the warehouse, the following day) and the others were going to wait to see who turned up. I was being left behind, ordered to stay put, threatened wordlessly by both Jeremy and Clay. I tried to reason with them, that it would be better if I were with the Pack, if it came to having to defend myself. What if they came to Stonehaven instead? For a moment the men, my family, paused.

"Go into town then. Go sit in the café, in plain sight, no one will dare try anything in public."

I wasn't quite convinced of that, but it was better than being left at home. Then came the caveat.

"But you have to promise me that you won't go near that warehouse or the motel, and you'll wait for us to contact you before you come home."

"Fine."

It would have been petulant at that point to storm off to my room so I stayed in Jeremy's study as the others went in search of dinner. The books were still there, and I wanted to go over them again, looking for this origin myth that Marsten had told me about. I wasn't alone for long. I didn't have to look up to know it was Clay.

"What did you and Marsten talk about?" No greeting, no easing into the conversation, just blunt words.

"I tried to find out more about this Mutt. But the only thing he could commit to was that he hadn't been the one to turn him."

"And what else?"

"What do you mean?"

"I know you had other questions for him. What were they?"

Damn him, Clay knew me too well.

"You didn't tell him about the baby did you?"

"You think I'm an idiot Clay?"

"I know none of us have been thinking straight lately."

"Antonio mentioned someone, Marsten is from an old family I wanted to know if he knew any of the old stories."

"Did he?"

"A little." I felt some of the fight I had been preparing for drain out of me. "He told me about someone named Judith." I related the story to Clay as he sat down beside me on the loveseat. He listened thoughtfully, and I appreciated it.

"Does it sound like anything you've heard before Clay?"

He nodded his head.

"Something Jeremy told you?"

"I'm sorry Elena, it sounds like a some kind of mash up of Romulus and Remus and a story of the Titans, when five brothers conspired to overthrow Ouranos. It's a common theme in Mythology. There are Eastern versions of it too."

I didn't even bother trying to control the tears that ran down my face. For a few hours I had hope that I could carry the baby to term, that it had been done before, but I had been foolish to believe in an old story. I let my head hang down on my chest and felt, (but did not move) as Clay draped his arm over my shoulder.

"I can't do this." I whimpered.

"Yes you can Elena. I know you're scared."

"I don't want to die."

"Die? You aren't going to die."

"I don't want to hurt the baby, I don't want to hurt Jeremy, and I don't want to hurt you. And I shouldn't even be thinking about this. I should be thinking about Pete, and about this psycho that Daniel has turned, and about everything that isn't so selfish."

"You're overwhelmed Elena."

"Of course I am."

"You should talk to Jeremy."

"I don't even know what to say to him Clay. How can I question his decisions, especially when he is doing everything for this baby?"

"He's doing this for you. He loves you."

"I know." I did know, and I knew I couldn't hurt him any longer; or at least I couldn't live with the guilt any longer. I needed to talk to him, really talk to him, and I knew exactly where he was.

My cheeks were still tear stained as I stood in front of Jeremy's door, trying to convince myself to stay, or to run, neither side making a particularly strong case. Either way I was going to be miserable, but at least if he ended up hating me then I would have an excuse to leave, and just be miserable on my own. I knocked softly; half hoping he wouldn't answer. But of course he did.

"Elena? What's happened?"

"Can I come in?"

"Of course you can, please." He stepped away from the door, only then did I notice he'd shed his vest and that his shirt was only part ways buttoned up. Looking at him that way brought back the comfort, and the sensuality of having been with him, the intimacy we'd shared and I felt like a fraud. I couldn't even look him in the eyes.

"You're scaring me Elena. Did Marsten do something, say something?"

"I asked him about Judith." I whispered.

"Who is Judith?" The pitch of his voice betrayed his anxiety.

"A myth, another female werewolf, one who had four sons. I thought maybe I could find out if it was possible, for me to have a baby." I hated that my voice sounded so stuttered.

"Does Marsten know?" He didn't look at me in an accusatory fashion, only a concerned one. It was killing me inside.

"No. I didn't say anything about it. But I won't be able to hide it for much longer, everyone will know."

"I will protect you, both of you."

"You are so kind, too kind Jeremy." I began to cry again. "Please don't ever doubt that I love you."

"Elena, what is going on?"

"I can't lie to you any more Jeremy. If you hate me and can't look at me again that I'll understand."

He shook his head.

"I will never hate you." He tried to assure me.

"You might." I took a deep breath. "The baby, there's a chance, oh God," I couldn't stop myself from shaking and Jeremy put his hands on my shoulders.

"I know." He whispered. I slowly raised up my eyes to look into his.

"You know?' I was confused.

"Clay came to me the very night you told me. Confessed, blamed himself, begged me not to think less of you. As if I could ever think less of you." He brushed his fingers down the side of my reddened face.

His smile was so beautiful. I let myself sink into his embrace, relief, not upset radiating through my limbs.

"We are a perfect family, this Pack. Your child will be a cherished part of our family, just as you are. And this knowledge will stay between you and Clay and myself."

I nodded, my head against his chest, his arms holding me upright as they always seemed to.

When I woke it was in Jeremy's bed and for that moment, I felt some hope.


	9. Chapter 9

Part 9

I'd left earlier than the men, making my way to the local bookstore before any possible crowds; not that there were a lot of crowds until the leaves turned in the fall. But I was hoping to keep my purchases fairly anonymous, and as I hadn't spent a great deal of time in the town proper I was likely still classified as one of 'those people' from up at Stonehaven. I picked up two books, asked for a plastic bag to tote them in, even though I was generally adverse to such things, and made my way slowly over to the café. I timed my arrival there for the same time as LeBlanc had been instructed to meet Nick out at the industrial site. I ordered a tea, and a good breakfast (my second of the day) and took out one of my books. What to Expect When you're Expecting stayed in the bag, I started in on a book on Mythology. I knew Clay would probably laugh at me for having bought it, he probably saw the thing as of no more use than a primary school text, but it was something. Marsten had said 'archetype', and so I had looked it up. I'd found Joseph Campbell, and his ideas of what he called the Monomyth, that all myths came from a common source, and I hoped in his books I might find a trace of mine. By some luck the little local bookseller had one of his books, I took it as a good omen and picked it up. It felt good to use my mind again, to remember when I had been a student, when I had worked transcribing things for Clay, when I had a future. I kept my phone in my pants pocket so that I would hear; or rather feel, when it rang to tell me things had gone well.

I had a second cup of tea and flipped to chapter two. The door opened and closed a few times, the tinny bell jangling each time. I had sat facing it, and I have to admit glancing up each time. After about a half hour the café seemed to come to life, or rather to be emptied of it. A number of cellular phones went off in a sequence that could not have been coincidence. Some people, obviously in law enforcement hastily paid bills and left en-mass. I heard sirens begin, and more in the distance; something that left me quite concerned. I stayed where I was though, and just watched a little longer, as curious as all the other civilians in the place. After a while it was easy to pick up the gossip from the whispers. There was a fire just outside of town, in an old building. It wasn't hard to guess what was going on, especially as my phone finally buzzed. Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to answer it as the door opened and I saw a face I had prayed that I would never see again.

Victor Olsen.

The bright red, wiry hair, the freckles around his nose and cheeks and the dark, penetrating eyes that he practiced making look innocent were all still there, even after all this time. He stared right at me, I was not naïve enough to believe that this was a chance meeting, not when Daniel Santos in his ill fitting suit and skinny tie walked in right behind him. I made a move for my phone, but not fast enough as Victor slid into the booth right beside me, and Daniel directly across from me.

"Still as beautiful as I remember." Victor whispered. I looked at him with abject hatred. He smirked. "But with that fire in your eyes, I remember that too." He leaned in, the stench of him assaulting my nostrils and raising the simmering nausea in my gut. "When you lied on the stand about seducing me."

"Get away from me." I said, very low and very slowly.

"You put me away for ten years Elena. When all I did was give you what you asked for."

I had never, could never, forget what he had done to me. Lured in a child with the promise of friendship, rabbits to play with, with kindness. Everything that turned into the foulest words, and unwanted attentions, innocence stripped away, and then to be blamed, to have the world told that I had encouraged it, that my shorts and tee shirts had been alluring, that my smiles and laughter had beckoned him, that my child's body had asked for his touches.

Testifying against him had been the loneliest experience of my life. Certainly the court appointed psychologist had been there to reassure me that I was doing well, but when it was done I had been dumped back with foster parents who never quite believed that I hadn't somehow brought the hell upon myself. Alone, no follow-up care such as would have been insisted upon now. No one knew this about me. I had never shared this building block of my life with anyone. Not Logan, himself a psychologist, not Clay, my lover, not Jeremy, my Alpha, and now he was here in Bear Valley, threatening to lay this secret bare for my whole family to know. I felt Victor's hand move to brush mine.

"Don't touch me." I hissed, pulling my hand away.

"Now Elena, we wouldn't want to make a scene here, would we?" Daniel admonished me. "Besides, I understand all the Police are currently busy at some kind of fire scene."

Damn it, he knew what had been done to his property, and likely his Mutt.

"What do you want Santos?"

"You just pass on to Jeremy that what happened today isn't about to dissuade me."

"So you admit that you're creating Mutts, and that you are trying to depose an Alpha through subterfuge?"

He smiled a practiced greasy smile at me. It wasn't intimidating at all; it looked so out of place on his pasty face with his $8.00 haircut. I laughed at him.

"You don't have the balls to face him yourself, so you pick out the worst scum you can find to do it for you. How long do you think you'd last as an Alpha?"

"A very long time my dear, especially with a host of loyal companions and you breeding children for me."

"Loyalty is earned, not bought, not stolen, not forced. You are a little man, and you will die a little man."

That took the smirk off his face.

"I told you she was a firecracker, didn't I?" Victor piped up, sliding his hand on the bench seat towards my thigh.

Under the cover of the table I curled my right hand into a claw, and closed my eyes for just a moment as I let my dual nature take over, extending my fingers, turning the nails into hardened points. I dug them into the back of Victor's hand, sinking into the soft spot between the bones, tearing at the flesh as he winced and bit his lip with a little yelp.

"Now don't make a scene Mutt. You wouldn't want to attract any unwanted attention would you?" I said a syrupy sweet voice. "Besides, no Police, right?" I glared at Daniel as I pushed my hand further downwards towards the padded seat. The blood was starting to pool around my claws. I could see how uncomfortable he was becoming.

"I think you should both get up and leave now." I was taking charge.

Victor seemed prepared to do just that, but I held him firmly in place, feeling his flesh just yielding to me as he tried to pull away. But I wanted something else from Daniel.

"And I think you should give up these pursuits of yours Santos. You will never have the Alpha seat, and you will never have me."

"Never say never Elena."

"Never." I reiterated slowly. Then I let my hand change back to my human one, effectively releasing Victor. "I will kill you the next time I see you." I whispered to him. "Slowly." It was encouraging to see him pale (even further) at that promise. He wrapped a napkin around his wounded hand and scowled at me. I just smiled. Both men left without another word.

Only when the door closed and I was sure they couldn't hear or see me, did I let my shoulders drop with a long breath, wrapping my arms around my belly with a terrible shudder. I texted Jeremy to come and get me because I was certain I wouldn't be able to drive.

Clay and Jeremy showed up, asked no questions, and took the keys to the Jeep I had driven down in, Clay swinging up into the driver's seat while I piled in beside Jeremy in the black SUV. He put his hand over mine, which helped to steady the trembling I had been fighting so hard to contain. The touch was reassuring, everything about him was reassuring, even the new abrasion on his left cheek, the bloody knuckles, and the smell of smoke in his clothing. I settled in behind the tinted glass and closed my eyes, forcing calm on my racing heart. I didn't remember the ride home.

Everyone assembled in the kitchen; once the men, my family, had washed and changed, and thrown smoky clothes in the washing machine. There was no sense of elation amongst them, only a grim tension that I knew had to do with the stories we had to tell, perhaps specifically the one I didn't want to tell. Antonio settled me with a glass of water (I'd had far too much tea already that day), and glasses of scotch for those who wished to imbibe. He left the bottle on the center of the farmhouse table. It was empty by the time we finished.

Antonio told me what had happened at the industrial site, much of it what I had suspected. LeBlanc had come in search of his trophy, had put up a piddling fight against a full pack of angry wolves, and his body, what was left of it, had been set on fire along with the building. The scrapbook has been left in the building as well, with the hope that if it survived it might give law enforcement a clue towards who had killed the town girl. What they made of his demise no one really cared, the death of escaped serial killers rarely got much more than a cursory glance, and even if there had been witnesses, how could they blame a pack of animals? That story finished, it was my turn.

"Daniel has a new Mutt. And I know him."

Saying it out loud was horrifying, I couldn't look at any of them in the face as I did. I stared straight at the table, memorizing the patterns of the wood whorls as I spoke.

"I was eight." I began.

Clay didn't, couldn't contain his emotions, he cursed, he snarled, he clenched his hands into fists and pounded the table. Logan went pale, Nick looked as though he was going to cry, as did Antonio, I could see both of them trying to reach for my hands, holding theirs back out of fear of my reaction. Jeremy, my Jeremy was still, the muscles and tendons in his forearms and hands corded, shoulders tense, jaw locked, a thousand and one thoughts behind his beautiful eyes, the chief of which was murder. When I fell silent Clay burst up from the table.

"I will kill him myself, I will find him right now and rip his head from his body."

"Not alone you won't." Jeremy's voice was quiet and even, frightening in its sincerity.

"Both of you. Listen to me." Antonio stood, moving to block the path out of the kitchen. "This is what Santos wants, he wants us unhinged, not thinking clearly, reacting to his pawns, it will be his opportunity to take us apart, piece by piece."

"I will not suffer this criminal to live." Jeremy was barely under control.

"A series of murders in Bear Valley will not go unnoticed, not by the locals, not by the Alpha council. We have to be smart about this."

"What do you suggest?" Clay fairly spat out the words as he paced back and forth around the table.

"Santos has to die. But not here."

"So we need to get him to leave Bear Valley? How?"

"We have something he desperately wants." Antonio looked at me.

"Oh no, no, I will not use Elena as bait again. Her life is too valuable." Jeremy answered. I tried to reason with him.

"We can't spend the rest of our days hiding out in this house Jeremy. Santos will send Mutt after Mutt here to wreak havoc, we'll be exposed, and the Alpha council will strip you of your title. We'll have to run, or be subject to a new Alpha. You know what will happen to me, and to the baby. We have to do this. We don't have a choice."

"We'll find some place where a few new wolves won't be noticed, something rural, but close enough to medical facilities just in case." Antonio looked at me. "Jeremy, you have to stay here, be the Alpha, and be away from this business. Let your soldiers handle it."

"I can't do that."

"You have to, you have to be able to say that you have no idea what's happened to Santos if you are questioned. And those of you who go, you have to get him alone, no one else can witness what happens to him. No trace. Leave the business and paperwork to me, I can put him on the other side of the world no matter where his body finally rests."

No one doubted the sense of Antonio's plan, or his skills. But no one wanted to do what was needed either. No one wanted the Pack split, not then.

"Where?" Jeremy finally asked, breaking the vocal silence.

"Clay will take her back to the mountains. Nick will follow. It's an easy place for a person to get lost and to never be found. We know that Santos will be watching them, if he thinks it's only Clay and her he might get over confident."

"I don't like this."

"Then you'll hate this even more. If Santos is made to discover that Elena is pregnant, and tries to attack her, Clay and Nick will be well within their rights to kill him."

"You're right, I hate that too." Jeremy's fists were knotted, the abrasions turning white with the pressure.

"She won't be able to hide it forever, better we control that news than someone else."

"I'm strong now Jeremy, I don't know if I can change, but I can still fight. I'm not going to be able to do that in a few more weeks. We should do this soon." Again I tried to make him see reason.

"And what about Olsen?"

"Santos will keep him close, especially if he thinks that it gives him a psychological advantage over Elena. Dump his body in a mountain lake. No one will miss him."

"No." The word echoed in the kitchen.

It was the first time I had ever heard Jeremy disagree so vehemently with Antonio. I felt shock, and I wasn't the only one.

"No." Jeremy repeated. "Elena is part of my Pack, she is pregnant with my child. I will be the one to defend her, no one else." I could see Clay bristle at the declaration.

"It can't be done here Jeremy, you can agree to that can't you?" Antonio was the only one who dared speak in response.

"Yes, I can agree to that. Your idea is sound Antonio. But Elena and I will go. We will make our stand. I have to do this, otherwise how do I prove my worth as Alpha if I let others fight my challenges?"

"You can't go alone." Antonio asked.

"Fine, you can follow us after a day."

"We can't take a chance with your life Jeremy, please." I was not above begging him.

"And I will not take a chance with yours Elena, nor with the baby you are carrying who might one day be Alpha. We end this now."

There was nothing else to be said, no other arguments to make. Clay stormed out of the room, frustrated but not about to challenge his Alpha again and risk another dismissal. Jeremy wasn't at all phased by the action it seemed; but of course he had known Clay for a very long time and I imagined that such outbursts were not uncommon.

"How long to get things organized Antonio?"

"Give me a day."

"Then tomorrow you and I," he looked at me and reached for my hands, "are going shopping for a crib and some baby things."

The idea of a family dinner hadn't appealed to anyone, not that it was said out loud. Clay was nowhere to be found, I assumed that he had gone out for a run, and Nick had gone after him, hoping to talk some sense into him, or keep him from doing something stupid. Antonio was in the office sorting out a place for us to stay that met his conditions. I warmed up some leftover soup and took a chunk of bread into the front room, wanting to surround myself with familiar images of Jeremy's art, and of Clay's artifacts. The furniture was comfortable, and the scents as familiar as any good memory. The soup calmed my frozen insides as well as the surroundings, and I tried not to think about how it might be one of the last times I saw that place. Only weeks earlier I had wanted to flee, and now I could not imagine being any place but there. I could blame some of it on the pregnancy, on the hormones. I had taken my book with me and was reading as quickly as I could over the parts of the pregnancy I had missed in my ignorance, recognizing things that I had experienced and written off as something else. It was really a way of keeping my mind off of other things; so many other things that could have stolen my sanity just then.

Jeremy

Clay

The baby

Victor

Santos

I finished the first four months worth of reading, which only added to the stress since there were so many tests and appointments I had never had, and was not likely to get to have. Even though I had Jeremy, I really was on my own with this child. I made a mental list of the few things I could pick up at the drugstore when we went into town; prenatal vitamins chief among them. Then I started thinking about a crib, and about what color bedding we should get, and about little clothes. For a minute I did get lost in the happiness most women get to experience as they make their plans. For a minute before I started to wonder if I would live long enough to even have the baby.


	10. Chapter 10

Part 10

I couldn't sleep, I hadn't expected to, not when everything around me was silent, and I had nothing to occupy my mind when I closed my eyes but visions of things I didn't want to see. I was sitting upright in my bed, trying to force my mind into a narrow tunnel, hands wrapped over my belly, listening to my heartbeat. The soft knock on my door made me jump. It opened only a moment after that.

"May I come in?"

I nodded.

"Not sleeping?"

"You either I see."

Jeremy sat down beside me on the bed.

"You know I don't want to do this right? I don't want to use you as bait to catch Santos."

"I know." My voice didn't have a lot of strength just then, perhaps because I was exhausted.

"If you don't want to do this you just have to tell me Elena. I will find another way. In the end Santos and Olsen will be dead, I promise you that."

"There isn't another way Jeremy, we need a believable excuse, I know that. Antonio is right, as much as it scares me. If something were to happen to you for killing him, if the council were to designate a new Alpha our Pack would be subject to him, and if we weren't we would spend of lives running. We can't raise a child that way. I would rather die with you, then live without you."

He reached out a hand and stroked my cheek carefully.

"You will not die. Neither will your child."

I covered his hand with my own and drew it down towards my belly.

"Our child Jeremy."

His smile was so brilliant.

I let myself rest backwards on the bed, uncurling my legs, keeping his hand under mine.

"Will you stay with me tonight, please?"

He answered me by leaning down and kissing me very softly. I held him there, letting my hands comb through his hair, cupping the back of his head, exerting just the barest pressure against his mouth, not even a breath between us.

His hands bunched up the tee shirt I was wearing, pulling it over the tops of my legs, his fingers trailing over my skin raising gooseflesh and causing me to shudder. I took a deep breath as he drew those fingers upwards, the soft cotton slipping from my body, pulled away to leave me completely exposed to him. He pressed kisses down my throat, down the middle of my breastbone and finally over my belly. His breaths were warm on my skin and I let myself bask in his attentions, closing my eyes, arching my body into those soft hands; an artist's hands, as they explored. When his mouth found mine again I felt the power in his bare chest pressed to me. I wrapped my arms around him and held that kiss as we moved our bodies together.

Our lovemaking was slow, paced and drawn out till we were both exhausted. It was a pleasure to drift off in his arms, and morning came far too early.

Clay didn't join us for breakfast. No one mentioned his absence.

There was only one store in town that sold children's things; the big malls and box stores were certainly within driving distance but we needed to be seen, either by Santos, or Marsten, or one of the Mutts. We parked the vehicle on the main street. Jeremy came around the side and opened my door for me. He took my hand with a smile, and made a bit of a show of kissing me quickly right there on the sidewalk. Jeremy was not a demonstrative man normally, I had grown to be more like him during the time I had spent in Stonehaven. I didn't want to muse on the girl I had been; I had far too much to lose now, there was no time for being carefree and silly. I had a part to play, to keep my family safe.

The shop door had a bell just like the café. We were assaulted by the fairytale visions of pink and blue in gauze, satin, polish and smiling animals. If I found it overwhelming Jeremy certainly had to be in hell, but he kept smiling, especially when the sales lady came over to greet us.

"Hello. Good morning."

"Good morning." Jeremy replied.

"Was there anything I could help you with today?"

"Well, we've just found out we're expecting and I guess we're going to need a few things."

"Well how wonderful, congratulations!" She took a closer look at both of us with that pronouncement, perhaps trying to decide how much money we had to spend, perhaps assessing us for the lack of wedding rings, or perhaps judging the age difference. Whatever the motive, she kept her 'customer service' smile pasted on. Admittedly, it did not look terribly false.

"Do you know what you're having?" She asked.

"No, we're looking forward to a surprise."

"What a lovely change. So many young couples today go absolutely overboard with the gender reveal parties and cryptic social media postings. I say that there are few things left in the world that can really be surprises, this is certainly one."

"Oh yes, it certainly was a surprise." Jeremy agreed.

"Well we do carry a large stock of neutral colors like yellow and greens and purples. If you like, have a look around, if you have any questions just let me know. And just so you know, we can order in things if you've seen something in a catalogue that you like."

"Thank you." I offered, still a little shell shocked that we were even doing this. It was hard to be excited since I knew that the shopping had more to do with trapping Santos than actually preparing for the baby. I started to wander to the back of the shop, past rows of cribs that all sort of looked the same to me just then. A splash of white caught my eye. Jeremy followed me.

It was a cradle, or maybe they called them bassinettes now? (Likely in order to be able to add a zero to the price tag). It was beautiful. I ran my fingers over the fine wood and eyelet lace bedding. It put me in the mind of the bedroom Jeremy had created for me, and I knew it was what I wanted. The ever-present sales lady had never gone particularly far and she pounced.

"That's a beautiful choice my dear. Made by a local craftsman, but all up to government standards."

"It's perfect." I whispered to Jeremy.

"Then that's the one we'll buy."

And so I waited nervously by the car while Jeremy placed the cradle in the back; taking more time than it probably should have, the sales lady handing me two large bags full of bedding, exacting a promise for me to return with the baby when I was able. I felt better when I was settled back in the passenger seat, the doors all closed, and only then did I let my shoulders sag. I so wanted to be excited about the beautiful furniture. Jeremy seemed to sense that in me. He reached out for my hand.

"Do you want to set it up when we get home?" He asked softly.

"Not yet, no, after."

"I understand."

The rest of the trip was silent.

I gave silent thanks that Clay wasn't around when we got home. I didn't want him to have to see the cradle. Jeremy stored it away in an unused bedroom, and I began to wonder just how things would be set up once the baby came. Would there be a nursery, would he stay with me, would I be expected to move into Jeremy's suite? All questions I should have been able to speak to Jeremy about, except for the fixation on the task ahead of us, which overrode all other 'normal' concerns. I hated the way we weren't communicating just then but I didn't know what to do about it so I went to my room to pack a bag for the trip, tossing my books on top of my clothes, which weren't folded too neatly anyways. I thought for a moment about talking to Logan, getting some advice, after all, mental health was his business. But it all just seemed so complicated, and just a bit petty if I was to be honest. I dropped my bag at the front door and went to the study.

"Nick is patrolling the edge of the property." Antonio was speaking to Jeremy. "As soon as he sees or smells any trace of another wolf we'll know that Santos has set up his surveillance. Then you two can lead them away."

"Where are we going?" I asked, as enthusiastically as I could.

"I've rented you a cabin, far enough away from any town or campground that if things get loud you won't have neighbors coming to check in with you."

I nodded.

"Try not to destroy the place, I want my damage deposit back." His curled up grin did little to ease my trepidation. "I've packed the SUV with everything you'll be needing." I knew that statement likely meant more to Jeremy than it did to me.

"Clay will follow you by a few hours, and patrol the woods around the cabin."

"Okay. Now we just wait?"

"If nothing has happened by dinner time we'll leave anyways and trust that if we drive through town, get some snacks for the road, that we'll be spotted. I'm sure it's all over town by now that the recluse up at Stonehaven has found himself a young woman. Whatever else they infer from it can only be used to our advantage."

"I don't like that they'll infer anything Jeremy."

"Small minds Elena. I've tried to never let them bother me. They shouldn't bother you either." He reached over, a sad smile on his face, and touched my cheek gently.

Nick came in the kitchen door, tugging a tee shirt over his head.

"He sent a Mutt." The lack of enthusiasm was palpable in his voice. I don't want to overuse the phrase, but my blood ran cold. It was time to go.

I took a stiff hug from Nick, a warmer one from Antonio, and Jeremy and I got in the SUV. I didn't see Clay, but I knew Antonio was texting him as we left, so he would know to follow, from wherever he was. I hadn't even asked how long the drive was going to be, or even exactly where we were going. It didn't matter. I curled myself into the passenger seat, closed my eyes once we were out of Bear Valley, and tried to sleep as Jeremy drove. I found that once we were finally on our way, once things were truly in motion, that it became easier to drift off and I only woke when Jeremy turned off the highway onto a graveled road, necessitating a decrease in speed and a bumpier ride, despite the shocks on the SUV. The sun was well set, I checked the clock in the middle of the console, 3 am and change it read. Pulling up the steps of the cabin only took a few more minutes. Stepping out of the SUV and it's recycled, conditioned air my nose was assaulted by the woods around us. The heady scent of damp moss and underbrush, a crisp, nearby river, shingles on the roof that still exuded the tar smell of the sunlight that had beaten down on them for hours. Beyond that there was game. A bear, a few feral wolves, and some nocturnal creatures, a raccoon or two (it was hard to tell), and the lingering scent of slaughter, what you might normally expect around a hunting cabin.

It was hunting cabin, if I hadn't sorted it out by the atmosphere, when Jeremy pulled a long duffle out of the back and headed for the porch, I would have figured it out then. The bag contained two pistols, a shotgun and a rifle. The rattling around betrayed the copious shells.

"Do you remember how to use these?" Jeremy asked me as he laid them out on the pine table and inspected them for damage after their journey.

"Yes." Jeremy and Antonio had shown me how to care for, load and shoot all those weapons. I hadn't considered that Jeremy was going to bring them along.

Satisfied with their condition he moved them to the single bedroom. There was a proper gun locker in there, but we weren't using it. The pistols went under the pillows, the long guns, under the brass bed, my little bag on the blanket box at its foot.

"I'll watch till dawn." Jeremy told me.

"But I've slept all the way here." I tried to protest, but he would hear none of it.

"It's only another few hours. By then Clay will be here and I'll rest for a bit."

He pulled off his shirt and cast it over the bed. His belt was tossed off likewise. By that I knew he was preparing to have to change if the first scent he caught wasn't Clay's.

I prayed it would be.


	11. Chapter 11

Part 11

I kept the small window in the bedroom open, it wasn't big enough for anyone to get through, man or wolf, so I wasn't concerned that it would compromise our safety. Just the opposite in fact, I was hoping that I might hear or smell anyone who approached us; with enough time to grab up a gun, and warn Jeremy. I didn't sleep. It was probably a good thing, not sleeping, but in the end we heard the sound at the same time: feet on the wooden porch, heavy feet.

I tucked a gun into the waistband of my pants, took a rifle in my hands and went out to the main room in time to see the door forced open by massive shoulders. In truth, I don't think Jeremy had locked it, wanting to bring on the conflict and allow himself the opportunity to easily leave the building. Paws and doorknobs don't work too well together. Jeremy had shifted into the powerful wolf I was used to seeing around Stonehaven. He was staring at the black mass that was coming in the door. The only problem was, the black one wasn't alone. Behind him a reddish wolf entered, and even with the pungent odor of the first one filling my nostrils, I recognized Victor Olsen. I raised the rifle and aimed directly at him without hesitation. The crack of the shot, and its kickback rattled my head for an instant; the yelp helped me to focus. I hadn't killed him, mores the pity, but he was out of the game for a little while as the black wolf lunged at Jeremy while I steadied myself for a second shot. I was distracted by a third wolf, salt and pepper grey, another unknown Mutt following the first two.

It was then that I got concerned.

Snarling and posturing turned into teeth and flying fur as the black wolf leapt for where Jeremy was, or had been, as he ducked and rolled, his fangs snapping at the moving shoulder, flesh tearing. I fired the gun; again deafening myself temporarily in the small space. That shot barely slowed down the third wolf and he turned to me, closing the distance, making the rifle useless. I dropped it and yanked out the pistol, emptying the clip in rapid fire, trying to put down the agile wolf that split its glances between myself and Jeremy, who was truly battling now. I don't know how many of the bullets hit their intended target.

I heard Jeremy's voice in my head, telling me to run, I didn't want to, until the forth wolf entered the now crowed cabin.

Then I felt the fear within us both.

I backed into the bedroom, three wolves watching me but not taking any further steps towards me, as if they somehow knew they weren't to physically harm me. Door open, I saw them turn on Jeremy, and I felt my gut buckle.

"No!" I screamed to myself, doubling over in pain. The change was coming on and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I pulled my shirt off roughly over my head, anticipating the feeling of strangulation adding to the anxiety. Fortunately the bed kept me somewhat hidden from the other wolves, protecting a modicum of my modesty. The second wave of nausea hit, I knew the pain, and the loss of rational thinking wouldn't be far away.

"I'm so sorry little one." I whispered as I clutched my abdomen and the change overtook me.

It began with my jaw, pushing forward, dragging my skull perpendicular to my cervical vertebrae, the pain changing my vision from dark to blinding white. My shoulders pulled backwards, ligaments and muscles tightened, forcing my arms and legs into bent postures as I dropped to the floor. My pelvis tilted and the scream from my lips came, not as a human cry of absolute agony, but a high-pitched roar, and with it I emerged from behind the bed, padded through the door, and drew the eyes of all the wolves in the room as the feral nature overtook my logical mind. My Alpha, my mate was in mortal danger and I was going to kill everything between myself and him.

I could see the confusion in the eyes of the other wolves, as much as my brain could process such things. They'd been told not to harm me, but they had no idea what to do if I intended to harm them. And I did. Teeth bared I leapt into the clutch of them, snapping my jaw down over the first piece of flesh I met, grinding, tearing as I shook my head, coming away with a ragged piece of meat, blood seeping into my mouth, bringing me to life.

Blood was energy, blood was power, and blood taken in the hunt was elixir. Claws were turned on me, but scratches would heal, as would the bite wounds, I hardly felt them as I drove forward, my own claws searching out purchase as my fangs sought exposed flesh. One by one they turned away from Jeremy, and I saw him emerge from the pile. His muzzle bore a vicious gash, the fur at the nape of his neck was matted with blood, his own, I could smell it. He stood, testing his legs, eyes locked to mine for the split second we were allowed before we both drove ourselves against our attackers. Four on two were bad odds, especially when Jeremy had been the target of three on his own for so many minutes. Even Olsen, having recovered his nerve from the shell I had put in him, was getting to his feet. Jeremy and I were being herded backwards, together at least, against the half wall that divided out a small kitchen in the great room. The air was peppered with gnashing teeth, snarling, and calls. I was afraid that there might be even more of them, and that we would be completely done for. The next wolf in the door though, having come by their summons, was one I knew, and one that promised to even the odds of the confrontation.

I will never forget how Clay looks when he's turned. A massive, brindle grey wolf with shoulders wider than my arms. Piercing yellow eyes and curled back black lips exposing the longest, sharpest fangs one would pray to avoid. The rumble in his chest set the cabin floor to shaking. He, like me, had recognized Olson for who he truly was in a matter of seconds. Hardly a breath after that Clay's powerful mouth had locked over Victor's throat, and crushed through the soft tissues, the vertebral bodies crackling with Clay's bite force. A sickening gurgle, and vomit of blood tinged foam, and Olson was no more for this nature or any other. His body was whipped towards his companions as warning. And it was not a warning to escape, but a warning to make their peace. The three left were no match, not with the fear of their own death driving them to make mistakes. Parry, feint, riposte, and three dead lay at our feet; only our heavy breathing filling the now silent room.

A question passed between us three as a howl split the oncoming dawn. I had not thought that any of the bodies on the cabin floor were that of Daniel Santos. From what I had heard of the man he tended to send others to do the dangerous work, waiting to come in and claim the victory. But there was no victory to be had on his part, and he could not be allowed to escape and raise yet another clutch of Mutts to sacrifice again. Clay and I assessed which one of us was in the best position to kill him.

But Jeremy's snarl kept Clay and I motionless. It was his right to confront the wolf outside that challenged his position as Alpha, but Clay and I certainly had no intention of letting Santos escape the playing field he had marked out. The Alpha exited first, but Clay and I came up on his flanks, moving in a semi-circular path to surround the rowan colored wolf snarling at Jeremy. Santos pirouetted around on his four legs, eyeing up each of us, drawn back to Jeremy by a growl that told him all he needed to know about who his fight was with. Clay and I were witnesses, and we would not interfere with the outcome; that was Pack law, not that following such laws was a pastime of Daniel's. So in the end, even if he bested Jeremy, he still might not survive the encounter. Hopefully that knowledge put him as off his game as his Mutts.

Without taking my yellow eyes off of Santos I licked the blood clear of the fur on my muzzle. Clay pawed at the ground with a rhythmic thumping that put me in the mind of a heartbeat. It seemed to drive Jeremy forward, and Santos in the opposite direction. But there was no escape for him. Realizing that, and perhaps for the first time in his life that it was his turn to stand up for his desires, he sprang towards Jeremy and landed his claws against Jeremy's back, raking away, peeling the skin apart to expose muscle and sinew. Jeremy retaliated with claws of his own, wheeling and catching Santos across the snout, tearing his nose into ragged strips. Daniel's howl was exciting to hear, and my body trembled with it. I felt myself answering the fight with a chattering hiss. The bodies rolled together between Clay and I, each of us backing just far enough out of the way to avoid the temptation to bite or tear our own piece.

Jeremy was breathing heavily, he'd been well worked over before he had committed himself to finishing Santos. I watched his chest heave but stood my ground as, for a moment, Santos took the upper hand, snapping at Jeremy's back leg and contacting. Jeremy's answering howl was not pain though: it was rage. His body twisted in an unnatural way I thought, and his mouth came down over Santos' muzzle, and clamped on, powerful forelegs dragging the incapacitated wolf forwards against his will. The response was a mewling cry, claws digging against the dirt ground. With a mighty shake of his head and shoulders Jeremy ripped skin and flesh free, tossing Santos to his left, where he landed in a broken heap, Jeremy atop him.

Fangs sank into the unprotected gut, and blood sprayed across us all. As three we howled to the dawn as it broke over the forest top. Then we were quiet.

Jeremy's voice, or presence, or whatever the proper term was, came into my head, urging me back indoors, back into the bedroom. I complied, my human mind starting to come back to the foreground. I padded around the bodies and jumped up on the bed, curling myself into a ball to release the wolf. My head dropped to my chest, my legs and arms released the tension of muscles to fall back into their more normal configurations. When my hands were my own again, and I had the presence of mind beyond the exhaustion and the ache, I wrapped them over my belly and began to cry quietly to myself, whispering, 'I'm sorry' over and over again. Male hands drew a blanket overtop of my naked body. I did not have the energy to open my eyes or use my senses to determine who it had been, and it didn't take the cold away. The door was closed to protect me from what was about to happen. But the sounds, though muted, crept in.

I knew the sound of the axe; how it split flesh and the crack sound that rose up from it as it splintered bone. I knew the scent of a wood fire, the undertone of garbage from the burning barrel, the overtone of meat. It was a hunting cabin after all, offal had to be dealt with in a manner that would not bring other predators. It was sickening. So much so that after a while I had to lean over the side of the bed, in search of a wastepaper basket to throw up in. It was a monumental effort, and I remember nothing after that.

"She needs to go to a doctor." They were trying to keep their voices down as they argued about me in the main room of the cabin.

"We can't take that chance Clay."

"To hell with being discovered, this could be her life we're talking about."

"You don't think I know that? You don't think I'd do whatever I could?"

"What is more important?"

"Don't ask me that Clay, I am still your Alpha."

Their voices were rising, tones becoming sharper and words more clipped. I could hear one of them, likely Clay, beginning to pace on the pine floors.

My head was pounding, my whole body ached, but that was to be expected considering the beating I'd taken the night before. I struggled to right myself on the bed, keeping the quilt wrapped around me. A wave of dizziness threatened that attempt and I moaned. That brought both men to me.

"Elena?"

When I could finally open my eyes without everything spinning I could see the blood smears on the bed. It was hard to tell where it had come from; besides the obvious, me. Jeremy slipped a hand around the small of my back and helped to brace me upwards against the headboard. My right shoulder began to throb, and looking over at it, what I could see of it, it was bandaged, and certainly the source of some of the blood. Running a hand over my head I felt the mats in my hair. More blood. I then had to look under the quilt, to see if my legs were stained, they were, but they were likewise bandaged.

"How bad?" I whispered. They knew what I wanted to know, but neither had an answer for me, except in the their miserable expressions.

"How long have I been sleeping?"

"About ten hours. I should have a look at your wounds." Jeremy asked my permission to start unwrapping my shoulder.

"Are you hungry?" Clay asked.

I realized that I was, ravenous in fact, for a moment.

"I'll go and cook something."

"No." I felt my gut lurch, "nothing cooked, fruit, bread, something cold." The memory of the burning barrel returned.

"I'll get something." Clay left the room, closing the door to allow me some modesty as Jeremy carefully unwrapped my body.

"It's looking better." He told me.

"But you're already healed, and you were hurt much worse than I was, what's going on Jeremy?"

"I don't know Elena. My best guess is the pregnancy. But of course you've never been this badly hurt before, it might just be the way with female wolves."

"Did you do all the dressings?"

He nodded.

"Then you know, you must know." I hated how my voice stuttered. "Did I lose the baby?"

"I don't know Elena, honestly, I don't know."

"I want to get dressed, I want to go home." I didn't want to sound like I was whining, but I just didn't want to be in that place anymore.

"Whatever you want, if you feel strong enough."

"I just want to go home."

Jeremy got my overnight bag, and with his help I slipped into a tee shirt and a clean pair of yoga pants. By the time Clay returned with crackers and cheese and a banana I was ready to leave. He never questioned that desire, just helped me to get to the car and got me settled into the passenger seat. He stayed behind to finish cleaning up.

I waited till we were back on the highway before I asked the next question.

"Santos is dead isn't he?"

"Oh yes."

"Good."

We stopped for a better meal, a bag of apples and some berries in a plastic clamshell, and a few bottles of water. It was enough.

Clay had spoken with Antonio, who was expecting us when we pulled up even though it was late. He had another meal prepared, again all cold, no meat. I wondered if I might ever want to eat it again. The ever-present cup of tea was waiting for me, along with a warm embrace.

"Once you've eaten and washed up, I have something I'd like to try, for the baby, if that's okay?" He told me.

I trusted Antonio completely so I nodded, ate quickly, and showered. I would have preferred to soak in the old bathtub until I was oblivious to everything. But I needed the answer.

He and Jeremy came up to my room, obviously after having had some kind of conversation about what they were going to do, depending upon what results might be discovered. I was asked to lie down on the bed, and with careful hands, Jeremy rolled up my shirt to expose my belly. I wanted to smile at the tiny little bump that was still there; of course it was, it had only been a day.

"It's called a fetal Doppler." Antonio pulled a small device out of a grey case. "It's not 100%, and I'm no expert, but sometimes you can find a baby's heartbeat with it."

"Okay."

He put a dollop of ultrasound gel on my skin. It was cold and made me shiver. I reached for Jeremy's hand and squeezed it very tightly.

The machine produced a few clicks and whooshing sounds as Antonio moved it around on my skin, but nothing like I was expecting, I closed my eyes, trying to hide my disappointment, and the tears that threatened. And then it was there, a regular thump thump sound, strong and repetitive. I cannot explain the joy I felt, except in the smile that burst across Jeremy's face, the tears in his eyes glittering, the same way mine were I supposed.

"Thank you." I sobbed quietly to Antonio.

He just nodded to me.

"I'll leave you two alone then." And he packed up and left.

As soon as that door closed Jeremy pulled me into his arms and held me as tightly as he dared. I let the tears fall.

"We're going to be okay Jeremy. All of us, we're going to be okay."


End file.
